Relationships show lots of Truth if we are looking...

Relationships are great reveals in who we and others really are at a specific moment in time. In the early part of all relationships there is a euphoric attachment to the energy exchange and the closer you get the more exciting it becomes. When people begin to show appreciation and love for us then it makes it easier to love ourselves which is our real search. The challenges of relationships are the same ..... as we begin to know each other and see the cracks and flaws that we all carry then it is often hard to accept the reality of relationships. When someone begins to see those ugly parts we work so hard to hide they may reject us, Rejection is our fear because we want to be loved and know how to love ourselves so badly. The immaturity of relationships is in seeking perfection from another being, the perfection is in two peoples choice to love each other, not take from each other due to selfishness. Start picking relationships who understand this process and commit to each other that you will “work hard on yourself for them if they will work hard on themselves for you” there are no perfect relationships except the ones you create perfection within. Be strong enough to remain faithful to the people you invite into your life and you will have lots of incredible relationships. Enjoy the Search - Dugger

Chris Phillips So many times we enter relationships so quickly bc of the euphoric beginnings that the fears come out later in the process. The work done with those fears and the acknowledgment of them is vital to the growth of the relationship. Brene brown talks about the vulnerability in the space and the freedom that comes with it. I love the Dass quote you posted. Truth is scary but we have to face that fear to deepen the relationship to further dive into self love so we can love others. We just can’t give what we don’t have. Thank you for doing this all the time.

The vulnerability part is huge. In order to be so it must be a deliberate action which means we really let people see us. I have know so many people including lots of marriages that never create vulnerability. They never stop acting out an image and really let the other person in. If we do really stop being an image and start being the honest version, the scared version, the unsure version then maybe "they will stop loving me and I might not be able to love myself". Great thought Chris Phillips and I love taking the time to think and examine. Thank you for sharing the ride! 🙏

1

Manage

Lies won't create your Success

"You will either step forward into growth or you will step backward into safety" -Abraham Maslow

I read this quote BUT then questioned the word “Growth”… Don’t get me wrong I completely agree with this quote.. I was just wondering if “Growth” should mean the same thing to everyone??

I grew up being taught a strong focus on gaining money, achievement, image and ownership or at least those things as they are defined by a western culture.

I have now learned that success can be interpreted as many things but very often the culture you live in pushes you to define it in such a way that it keeps the culture and it’s societal “rules” most relevant. Our western culture demands “conformity” like paying taxes….. understanding our history the same way….not questioning the system too much… not questioning the powers that make the decisions too much…. different rules for those making the decisions… all of which ultimately leads to less than 1% of the people controlling the majority of our decisions…Healthcare…Food Supplies…Environmental issues….Social behaviors…Personal freedoms…decisions that are then dictated for the majority of the people by the few. Can you say Oligarchy? (Read “Merchants of Doubt”)  

Achieving success has long been seen as a drastically different view when you compare eastern and western cultures on all of the issues listed above. I was talking with a close friend this morning and trying to remember that the Image or the culture we are sold growing up is very often not the best fit for everyone to achieve growth or success with their life. Also remembering that the western culture is not the only one existing just the one you may be most familiar with.

For my journey it was not really the culture that dictated my personal drive to achieve many of my image based goals but rather something within me that needed to create my “mark”. I was so driven at times to create an image  that it became blinding and when it came to gaining my understanding of peace, love, happiness, kindness, generosity and tolerance they were a far second place to my focus on money, accomplishment, acquisition, control and the list goes on…..

I did not have many internal conflicts with searching out the path of achievement because I think for my journey I really needed to choose that route in order to find what I found for me and what I now really define as success …which has become first and foremost… peace, love, happiness, kindness, generosity and tolerance of others. These are my highest values behind loving myself first which leads to all of the above. In order to give love you must find love because after all “you can’t give away what you don’t have” - Wayne Dyer

There was a lot of rough energy (karma/dharma) I had to burn through which was really tough on me and those around me at times throughout my journey and even tougher to realize my highest path because of my obsessions with accomplishment. I now look at my past with appreciation, not because it gave me financial success or properties or security or financial freedom but because it gave me focus!

Focus on what really counts the most in this life.

If I had to make a choice today to give up the new values I hold.. the ones I just listed (peace, love, happiness, kindness, generosity and tolerance of others) values that I now hold very dear in order to create financial “Success” as western culture often demands… If that demand required my focus to be solely on acquisition and accomplishment forsaking my current values I could not do it. I now truly understand the value of people over possessions but I also now know how to merge putting people first while still meeting great goals and becoming financially prosperous.

I really think my life path was perfect for me to get where I am, which I truly love but I have met many people who SHOULD NOT choose the path I did because that choice will create incredible frustration in their lives. There are many people with natural personalities and characteristics driven to put people first over “winning” (at least the version of winning we are sold in a capitalist culture) starting at a very young age.

If you watch little kids play there are some so focused on winning the game, king of the hill, being recognized as the best and there are others who just naturally enjoy playing with the other children more than the focus of solely winning. I think it is so interesting to study the different types of personalities and how young they start developing these natural talents. Some are naturally focused on being the winner and yet MOST are focused on just being a part of their community and all of these personalities are natural life path’s, which should form their best ability to build a life filled with personal peace and success.

According to DISC personality testing less than 3% of all personalities are naturally driven to a goal winning focus as their primary driver while 97% have other primary driving forces. We all want to meet our goals but honoring the best fit for you is the key to understand.

I think the greatest challenge is that our western or capitalist culture is trying to push everyone into the same mold. Everyone should be king of the hill…everyone should be trying to own everything… everyone should be in first place… which is impossible and creates conflict.

I was telling a friend just this morning that I really love traveling and moving in and out of different cities or cultures and exploring. I am currently trying to build a portfolio of multi family real estate properties that serve as great investments by having monthly tenants/ airbnb income each month but also a place to go and visit for a weekend.. a week…a vacation.. a mini-vacation etc… in order to create my “Satsang” (Your “True People”…Google it).

I can at this point afford to buy 10 - 15 unique properties that will accommodate hospitality guests along with people living in the same properties full time. This creates a diversified portfolio and it affords me the ability to choose different locations I enjoy visiting. These properties can serve as great investments while helping me realize my dream of building community in different cities.

Much of the reason I can afford to do all of that is because of the path I chose (primarily acquisition focus) even though I don’t want to have to focus the way I did to get that income ever again! I understand what I did to create this now held freedom of choice but I think there are many ways to achieve finances and the freedom that it often allows while still having high levels of peace.

My job is to find my peace and then help others find theirs. My job is to remain true to my highest values and help other people learn how to honor their highest values and not the ones their culture is pushing. My path was to push hard in order to realize that’s not the best focus in life and now I can see a better way of living and sharing.

My needed path was one to burn through some bad karma or beliefs in order to find a better version of me. Instead of trying to be in “control” of the process, If my natural path would have been to just enjoy growing with the people around me and love being a “part” of the process it would have brought up other weaknesses than the ones I have faced so that is “MY” journey but it is not everyone’s journey.

Example..

Accomplishment can create financial security but neglect kindness…

Or..

Kindness can create great relationships but cause struggle with fears of security by neglecting goals.

Everyone has talents and everyone has correlating weaknesses but the main key is learning how to be you. The original you and not some fictitious facsimile demanded by your environment. The quickest way to financial security is not a one shoe fits all approach. The quickest way to accomplishing goals is by being the best version of you and honoring your natural gifts not the gifts, talents or path of anyone else on the playground even if the teacher says so…even if your parents say so…even if your friends say so…even if your boss says so!

Every business NEEDS goal setters, people uniter’s, evidence analytics, rule followers, master creators, visionaries, diligent workers, faithful participants and the list goes on. None of these people is worth more or is greater than the other and if you don’t figure that out in this life then you missed the whole point!

Everyone should develop their path and help others along their paths but not all must look the same. What if my path would have been different and I would have been more naturally focused on being a “people uniter” on the playground as a child?

I hope I would have met some great accomplishers that became part of my Satsang. I would hope they would have helped me build my financial goals while allowing me to remain true to myself and my highest values. I also would have appreciated them buying a few homes in different cities so I could share in their vision with them while making room for me to participate as I gained my success.

If they were my true people or my Satsang then I know we would have supported each other while honoring each other in our respective paths. One sharing their natural talents to create financial goals and another teaching us on how to remain focused to honoring and loving people. This list could obviously go on because the gifts of all people goes on and are so uniquely varied but the real answer is we should all be honoring each others talents and sharing the path.

Answer these questions for me from your perspective…

At the end of your life will it matter the most that your name be listed on the deed of the 15 properties and that because you were so driven you may even get a statue for birds to poop on dedicated to you?

or

Will it matter more that you remained focused on building the best version of you, remained focused on creating relationships that shared with you what they gained while you remained focused on building your security through your highest values?

If you work at anything consistently enough even something you may not enjoy you can likely build financial freedoms by remaining consistent, showing up to work etc. Please don’t wait until your 50 or 60 to enjoy the freedoms from a life that was focused on fear or expectations passed on to you by others. Don’t forget to be you so you can choose someone else’s path to creating finances. Earn money, become successful, create financial freedom but do it with ease by being you and your personality not by adopting some fictitious persona because the culture you were born in was trying to sell a one shoe fits all concept.

It is true that once you earn enough to get past your fears of safety, financial security and savings then you could be more prepared to create kindness, charity and openness because you have removed your fear but you also could be so locked into a pattern of placing goals over people that you cannot seem to change a developed destructive focus.

It is also true that if you choose to chase your highest version of who you really are and not an “image of what everyone should be” then it will allow you to earn the most by following your best version of your unique self.

“Do what you love and love what you do and you will never have to work a day in your life” John Demartini (at least that’s who told it to me)

Everyone is not the same but everyone has great talent to create great results. If they are not doing so then they are simply not free enough yet to be their highest version of self and attract greater wealth, relationships and achievements.

Build a Satsang that allows you to honor who you really are. Quit trying to be someone else because you saw it on a magazine cover or in a movie or because someone told you some fairy tale a long time ago trying to get everyone to simply conform. (Read Merchants of Doubt) These fairy tales are created so that those following them feel safe in the course they chose while trying to sell it to others. If we are all so different then why should everyone’s paths to “success” be so similar? It makes no common sense when really examined so be different!

Create vulnerability and really allow people into your life. Look for mentors, friends and lovers and let them know your visions of building your highest self by being an original you. Let them share with you what they have gained and created and you do the same. Make each other better and while your at it go vacation together in the shared accomplishments of your Satsang. After all 15 properties owned by you are not really worth much unless you have great relationships to share them with.

Enjoy the Search - Dugger

(post comments below I would love to know what your thinking)

Feeling Betrayed by a friend or just another Opportunity?

I shared a poem with some friends last week that I thought might help them see their way through a tough situation after feeling taken advantage of. I believe in what the message of the poem shares but I know it’s always harder when you are having to apply it personally. This morning I received a call from a friend who told me some things being said about me by another old friend I have not spoken to but twice in the last few years due to life circumstances. The man now making statements about me I originally met through a group we both worked with as he was getting started in his first business. It was obvious when we met that like all of us he did not know what he did not know which made me really want to help him learn. He was a young father married to a beautiful and talented girl just beginning his business and I could see something special in him. At first our personal association was limited although we were connected through the same organization but at the time he had his new company to build and I had mine. He was one of those people who tries to get along with most everyone which is certainly a talent but like all great strengths there is always an attached weakness. His attached obstacle was that he had a hard time making a stand or taking a position on issues so as not to offend anyone even if he knew something being done was wrong. We all face challenges to overcome and since mine was almost the exact opposite of his we actually could serve each other well if we remained committed to overcoming our weaknesses. As time went on I tried to remain aware of his needs and assess what I could do to assist because I liked what I saw in him and wanted to see he and his family do well. 

After being associated for a couple of years there were more opportunities for him to advance within the organization and I was able to create some space which allowed he and I to closely work together on a regular basis. I became his immediate coach and advisor and he was even a part of the first mastermind I ever moderated so he was able to watch as a major transition took place in my life as well. The "mastermind process" in my life became a search to properly align my drive as a human being to create and accomplish goals with a growing personal awareness to put people first and learn to be more caring.

I have never had much of a challenge in knowing how to build a business or create an income through proper decisions that would create a positive financial outcome. In my time with this friend I would share my direction as he faced issues in his own business and I eventually saw an opening for him to become a coach and help others do the same in their businesses. I was always aware of his struggle with self-confidence, really its self-love that we all are struggling to understand, and his need for a certain image but I knew with time and guidance he could overcome his weakness if he desired and chose to do so. This was a tough understanding for me as well because learning that my truest life lived was in being focused on how to help others achieve self acceptance and love meant I had to remove my EGO from the equation. It had to not be about me, not be about what I would or would not get in money, acceptance or recognition because these thoughts are all rooted in self serving egoist behavior and I do not want my life’s journey to end up there even if it started there. 

There are many personalities in the world but in the end we all struggle with very similar challenges in life and they really boil down to just a few big weaknesses. Image, Greed, Control, Safety are all results of lower level energy as we are taught through Vedic culture. EGO or self importance is at the center of all of these weaknesses and the power that rests behind them can certainly be pushed up the scale with a higher focus into Love, Perception, Knowledge and our own Enlightenment. How rewarding life can truly be if we understand this process and that is our real objective. If I said I had experienced 1000 or more encounters over the years spent with this friend, I do not feel it would be an exaggeration at all, experiences which gave us opportunity to examine and grow.

Opportunities for both of us to push ourselves, through our goals and face our weaknesses in a very real way to examine self. Opportunities that brought tears many times to love and understand each other. I look back now and wish on so many levels I could have known then what I realize now but it’s a journey.

Out of all the memories we shared I still hold one that was at the depth of what I felt he was facing and trying to gain from me as his coach. We were driving in a car one day as I was visiting his hometown and about to attend a meeting I had flown in for. I think it was turning really cold out and we were just talking openly as was our custom and I noticed a construction site out the window trying to wrap up before winter. I have always enjoyed the idea of construction, building and development and have now spent the past few years seeking out those projects more than ever before since freeing up from consulting.

As we passed this project I made a comment about how I would love to have the time to be doing that project right now and he asked me “Have you ever done anything like that before?”

I told him no but I was certain it would not be difficult for me to take on and accomplish it. Just as I expressed my confidence in my unproven abilities I could see it hit a chord with him.

He asked again how I felt I had such belief in myself and I truthfully had no answer I just felt strong in my own abilities to try new things and succeed. My career track record has proven my abstract beliefs throughout my life in importing antiques, opening restaurants/ bars, healthcare, consulting, real estate, event planning, franchising and that list goes on! He thought for a moment and simply said “I want that” when I asked him what he meant because I was still not understanding the gravity of what he was talking about he replied “the confidence to know I can try anything and succeed at it”. 

My ability to understand people and what really makes them tick was still in it’s infancy (who knows maybe it still is) so I did not pick up on much besides a compliment at the time but as years have past I now see the encounter much differently. That comment was based in his fear of not believing he could cut loose from his safety net and try anything he wanted. I have now learned this is a major challenge for many people as they build their "perfect image” an image they were sold somewhere down the line by parents, friends, media, success magazines or just general conformists at large. In the beginning its not as dangerous or obvious because we all begin our search with so little, that the playing field looks pretty level.

We are just getting started and as we form our beliefs and take on tasks we begin to “We get what we get because we do what we do”. I started down my life’s road looking for profits, success, security and recognition and there is nothing wrong with any of those accomplishments as long as they are NOT your motivation and purpose. We must learn to have higher level motivations in life or eventually we wake up to find out that we have built a life dedicated to only an image we once bought into. This realization comes from so many elderly people in their final chapter of life. (Read The top Five Regrets of the Dying by Bonnie Ware)

The subjects of the book speak of their regrets on how they spent so much of their energy being bound by fears of others opinions (Lowest level energies fear, greed, needing power and control) and not enough of their lives capital on becoming better at the higher level energies. (Love, Perception, Knowledge and Enlightenment).

The other great regret is that they know how they passed on those weaknesses, as they chose not to overcome fear, to the people watching them…their kids, their friends, their spouse, their relationships at large and small. The mask they wore became their truest existence often without much thought as it is a slow methodic journey which allows us to choose our path one decision at a time.

(This reminds me of the live frog analogy that can be slowly cooked to death in a pan of slowly rising heated water - be careful that your decisions are not slowly causing your death)

Each of people interviewed in,The top 5 Regrets of the Dying, still had great memories and often bank accounts to support them through old age but the opportunities they were given to truly fall in love with themselves, live an unrestricted life according to their values and teach others around them to do the same was lost to some degree by not sharing real unrestricted love. “You cannot give away what you don’t have”. 

It has been several years since I have communicated with the friend I speak of today. I moved on with my life to chase my values and his need for survival and maintaining his values caused him to feel he needed to make different life decisions than what I endorsed, which caused us to separate. I have struggled at times to understand some of the things I have heard that he has done over the years but I know that all things can work towards good whenever we wake up enough to make a decision to truly be seeking the right path. If we are not seeking the highest self within us then that's a choice some people end up making with their life in order to stay safe.

Over the past few weeks I have heard this old friend has accused me of doing things to create chaos and being a part of structures that are focused on hurting his business and the value of what he is still trying to hold on to. It is often difficult to remember that very often it is not other people’s actions that are causing us to face our current challenges but rather it is usually just the result of our own actions. Actions that can allow us to face our toughest and what could be our greatest lessons. “We get what we get because we do what we do“. Although his statements and assumptions about me are completely false, the fighting spirit immediately rose up within me, when I heard of his accusations. I wanted to call him and question why he would think or say such things which could cause others to think I am causing conflict? After just a few moments of thought I knew that if he really wanted to know the truth he would have just called but in reality he needs to not know because he is still struggling with that question he asked me that day as we drove by that construction site “how do you know you will succeed at what you have not ever done?".

Fear is a horrible master within any of us and should be our life long mission to overcome it. Fear is the lowest level of all energies and yet it feels so large when it overtakes us. After thinking it over I realized the best way to focus the frustration I felt this morning was to write and once again commit myself to BUILDING not destroying, to finding the GOOD in others and not the ugliness rooted in their fears, to teaching how to OVERCOME any situation and not being bound by anyone or anything that tries to prevent me from growing my love. I was told recently I was really good with words but in reality I am really good at challenging myself and that brings learning. My path has taken me away from many people I still love because their need for security does not match my needs for self examination and expression but I am committed to using this life to finding enough strength to truly love myself and others. I am committed to becoming free while teaching those who are watching me to do the same. This past three years have been the best of my life so far, the past 12 months are almost impossible to put into words of gratitude, appreciation and growth. I am so much healthier now on all levels of my life than anytime I can remember but I had to let go of some relationships that were not as healthy as I wish they could have been.

There are silly things going on around me from past relationships right now but my internal peace exists in knowing I am committed to doing the right thing and not being focused on the pettiness that image seeking might bring me. As I close I will share the poem with you I gave to my friend’s last week in their time of need and I will read it again myself.  

Thanks for reading my thoughts and sharing my journey. Enjoy your search today Dugger

People are often unreasonable, irrational, and self-centered.  Forgive them anyway.

If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives.  Be kind anyway.

If you are successful, you will win some unfaithful friends and some genuine enemies.  Succeed anyway.

If you are honest and sincere people may deceive you.  Be honest and sincere anyway.

What you spend years creating, others could destroy overnight.  Create anyway.

If you find serenity and happiness, some may be jealous.  Be happy anyway.

The good you do today, will often be forgotten.  Do good anyway.

Give the best you have, and it will never be enough.  Give your best anyway.

In the final analysis, it is between you and God.  It was never between you and them anyway.