I shared a poem with some friends last week that I thought might
help them see their way through a tough situation after feeling taken advantage
of. I believe in what the message of the poem shares but I know it’s always
harder when you are having to apply it personally. This morning I received a
call from a friend who told me some things being said about me by another old
friend I have not spoken to but twice in the last few years due to life circumstances.
The man now making statements about me I originally met through a group we both
worked with as he was getting started in his first business. It was obvious
when we met that like all of us he did not know what he did not know which made
me really want to help him learn. He was a young father married to a beautiful
and talented girl just beginning his business and I could see something special
in him. At first our personal association was limited although we were
connected through the same organization but at the time he had his new company
to build and I had mine. He was one of those people who tries to get along with
most everyone which is certainly a talent but like all great strengths there is
always an attached weakness. His attached obstacle was that he had a hard time
making a stand or taking a position on issues so as not to offend anyone even
if he knew something being done was wrong. We all face challenges to overcome
and since mine was almost the exact opposite of his we actually could serve
each other well if we remained committed to overcoming our weaknesses. As time
went on I tried to remain aware of his needs and assess what I could do to
assist because I liked what I saw in him and wanted to see he and his family do
well.
After being associated for a couple of years there were more
opportunities for him to advance within the organization and I was able to
create some space which allowed he and I to closely work together on a regular
basis. I became his immediate coach and advisor and he was even a part of the
first mastermind I ever moderated so he was able to watch as a major transition
took place in my life as well. The "mastermind process" in my life
became a search to properly align my drive as a human being to create and
accomplish goals with a growing personal awareness to put people first and
learn to be more caring.
I have never had much of a challenge in knowing how to build a
business or create an income through proper decisions that would create a
positive financial outcome. In my time with this friend I would share my
direction as he faced issues in his own business and I eventually saw an
opening for him to become a coach and help others do the same in their
businesses. I was always aware of his struggle with self-confidence, really its self-love that we all are
struggling to understand, and his need for a certain image but I knew with
time and guidance he could overcome his weakness if he desired and chose to do
so. This was a tough understanding for me as well because learning that my
truest life lived was in being focused on how to help others achieve self
acceptance and love meant I had to remove my EGO from the equation. It had to
not be about me, not be about what I would or would not get in money,
acceptance or recognition because these thoughts are all rooted in self serving
egoist behavior and I do not want my life’s journey to end up there even if it
started there.
There are many personalities in the world but in the end we all
struggle with very similar challenges in life and they really boil down to just
a few big weaknesses. Image, Greed, Control, Safety are all results of lower
level energy as we are taught through Vedic culture. EGO or self importance is
at the center of all of these weaknesses and the power that rests behind them
can certainly be pushed up the scale with a higher focus into Love,
Perception, Knowledge and our own Enlightenment. How rewarding life can
truly be if we understand this process and that is our real objective. If I
said I had experienced 1000 or more encounters over the years spent with this
friend, I do not feel it would be an exaggeration at all, experiences which
gave us opportunity to examine and grow.
Opportunities for both of us to push ourselves, through our goals
and face our weaknesses in a very real way to examine self. Opportunities that
brought tears many times to love and understand each other. I look back now and
wish on so many levels I could have known then what I realize now but it’s a
journey.
Out of all the memories we shared I still hold one that was at the
depth of what I felt he was facing and trying to gain from me as his coach. We
were driving in a car one day as I was visiting his hometown and about to
attend a meeting I had flown in for. I think it was turning really cold out and
we were just talking openly as was our custom and I noticed a construction site
out the window trying to wrap up before winter. I have always enjoyed the idea
of construction, building and development and have now spent the past few years
seeking out those projects more than ever before since freeing up from
consulting.
As we passed this project I made a comment about how I would love to
have the time to be doing that project right now and he asked me “Have you ever
done anything like that before?”
I told him no but I was certain it would not be difficult for me to
take on and accomplish it. Just as I expressed my confidence in my unproven
abilities I could see it hit a chord with him.
He asked again how I felt I had such belief in myself and I
truthfully had no answer I just felt strong in my own abilities to try new
things and succeed. My career track record has proven my abstract beliefs
throughout my life in importing antiques, opening restaurants/ bars,
healthcare, consulting, real estate, event planning, franchising and that list
goes on! He thought for a moment and simply said “I want that” when I asked
him what he meant because I was still not understanding the gravity of what he
was talking about he replied “the confidence to know I can try anything
and succeed at it”.
My ability to understand people and what really makes them tick was
still in it’s infancy (who knows maybe it still is) so I did not pick up on
much besides a compliment at the time but as years have past I now see the
encounter much differently. That comment was based in his fear of not believing
he could cut loose from his safety net and try anything he wanted. I have now
learned this is a major challenge for many people as they build their
"perfect image” an image they were sold somewhere down the line by
parents, friends, media, success magazines or just general conformists at
large. In the beginning its not as dangerous or obvious because we all begin
our search with so little, that the playing field looks pretty level.
We are just getting started and as we form our beliefs and take on
tasks we begin to “We get what we get because we do what we do”. I
started down my life’s road looking for profits, success, security and
recognition and there is nothing wrong with any of those accomplishments as
long as they are NOT your motivation and purpose. We must learn to have higher
level motivations in life or eventually we wake up to find out that we have
built a life dedicated to only an image we once bought into. This realization
comes from so many elderly people in their final chapter of life. (Read The top
Five Regrets of the Dying by Bonnie Ware)
The subjects of the book speak of their regrets on how they spent so
much of their energy being bound by fears of others opinions (Lowest level
energies fear, greed, needing power and control) and not enough of their
lives capital on becoming better at the higher level energies. (Love,
Perception, Knowledge and Enlightenment).
The other great regret is that they know how they passed on those
weaknesses, as they chose not to overcome fear, to the people watching
them…their kids, their friends, their spouse, their relationships at large and
small. The mask they wore became their truest existence often without much thought
as it is a slow methodic journey which allows us to choose our path one
decision at a time.
(This reminds me of the live frog analogy that can be slowly cooked
to death in a pan of slowly rising heated water - be careful that your decisions are not slowly causing your death)
Each of people interviewed in,The top 5 Regrets of the Dying, still had great memories and often bank
accounts to support them through old age but the opportunities they were given
to truly fall in love with themselves, live an unrestricted life according to
their values and teach others around them to do the same was lost to some
degree by not sharing real unrestricted love. “You cannot give away what
you don’t have”.
It has been several years since I have communicated with the friend
I speak of today. I moved on with my life to chase my values and his need for
survival and maintaining his values caused him to feel he needed to make
different life decisions than what I endorsed, which caused us to separate. I
have struggled at times to understand some of the things I have heard that he
has done over the years but I know that all things can work towards good
whenever we wake up enough to make a decision to truly be seeking the right
path. If we are not seeking the highest self within us then that's a choice
some people end up making with their life in order to stay safe.
Over the past few weeks I have heard this old friend has accused me
of doing things to create chaos and being a part of structures that are focused
on hurting his business and the value of what he is still trying to hold on to.
It is often difficult to remember that very often it is not other people’s
actions that are causing us to face our current challenges but rather it is
usually just the result of our own actions. Actions that can allow us to face
our toughest and what could be our greatest lessons. “We get what we get
because we do what we do“. Although his statements and assumptions
about me are completely false, the fighting spirit immediately rose up within
me, when I heard of his accusations. I wanted to call him and question why he
would think or say such things which could cause others to think I am causing
conflict? After just a few moments of thought I knew that if he really wanted
to know the truth he would have just called but in reality he needs to not know
because he is still struggling with that question he asked me that day as we
drove by that construction site “how
do you know you will succeed at what you have not ever done?".
Fear is a horrible master within any of us and should be our life
long mission to overcome it. Fear is the lowest level of all energies and yet
it feels so large when it overtakes us. After thinking it over I realized the
best way to focus the frustration I felt this morning was to write and once
again commit myself to BUILDING not destroying, to finding the GOOD
in others and not the ugliness rooted in their fears, to teaching how to OVERCOME
any situation and not being bound by anyone or anything that tries to prevent
me from growing my love. I was told recently I was really good with words but
in reality I am really good at challenging myself and that brings learning. My
path has taken me away from many people I still love because their need for
security does not match my needs for self examination and expression but I am
committed to using this life to finding enough strength to truly love myself and others. I
am committed to becoming free while teaching those who are watching me to do
the same. This past three years have been the best of my life so far, the past
12 months are almost impossible to put into words of gratitude, appreciation
and growth. I am so much healthier now on all levels of my life than anytime I
can remember but I had to let go of some relationships that were not as healthy as I wish they could have been.
There are silly things going on around me from past relationships right now but my internal
peace exists in knowing I am committed to doing the right thing and not being
focused on the pettiness that image seeking might bring me. As I close I will
share the poem with you I gave to my friend’s last week in their time of need
and I will read it again myself.
Thanks for reading my thoughts and sharing my journey. Enjoy your search today Dugger
People are often unreasonable, irrational, and
self-centered. Forgive them anyway.
If you are kind, people may accuse you of
selfish, ulterior motives. Be kind anyway.
If you are successful, you will win some
unfaithful friends and some genuine enemies. Succeed anyway.
If you are honest and sincere people may
deceive you. Be honest and sincere anyway.
What you spend years creating, others could
destroy overnight. Create anyway.
If you find serenity and happiness, some may be
jealous. Be happy anyway.
The good you do today, will often be forgotten.
Do good anyway.
Give the best you have, and it will never be
enough. Give your best anyway.
In
the final analysis, it is between you and God. It was never between you
and them anyway.
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