Tuesday, August 27, 2013

Monopoly Money

Monopoly Money

I was looking over a couple of businesses this morning and the overhead they are running with and it made me think about what is the proper overhead for any business. There are formulas and equations that we study to understand the right percentages or the proper allocations but I think it is really much larger than just a formula. I work with hundreds of business owners every week to examine the development of their investments. The underlying theme always remains the same for each one of them; "Your business is a reflection of you" 

There are so many bills in this game called life that we get lost from time to time in the shuffle. We have light bills, water bills, food bills, family bills, house bills, car bills and if I kept going it might begin to depress many of you reading this so I will choose to stop right there. The challenge of keeping up with all that is "normal" in todays world can become overwhelming if we allow it to. I work in HealthCare which is definitely a world of rising costs on all fronts. The more that the federal government attempts to study and "help" the system the more regulations seem to evolve. New requirements of every health care provider to track and monitor everything from the entrance signature of the patient, paperwork, disclosures, regulations that keep changing all the way to the electronic records now being mandated for reporting/monitoring purposes. These mandated helps and regulations are creating higher costs to the health providers which will always be paid by the patients in the end.

Since this is the world I work in most of the time it is important for me to remember how and where to focus attention in order to have the most impact on every day. One thing I started to think about this morning was that I know many Doctors working all over the country with completely different overheads. There are some similarities because of the work they do but less than you might think. There should be approximate number of team members for each business depending on the volume of patients they see but not as common as you might think. There should be commonality on floor space depending on the size of the practice but again not as often as you would think. There should be similarities of personal salaries and expenses but actually this is far from true. When we look at each business there should be a way to see commonality between all offices that are seeing 600 visits per month but we do not. There should be the same for all offices who see 800 visits per month but we still do not. There should be the same picture of expense with offices that each see 1000 patients per month but it always seems to be moving back and forth. 

This is in my opinion one of our greatest challenges in any business; understanding how to create a budget that is not completely negotiable depending on circumstances. As a business owner it is imperative that you MUST be familiar with what it cost you to run your business each month and you must also become so intimate that you are always searching for ways to improve. When you hear of someone accomplishing the same thing for less, your immediate question is How? What more is there for me to learn?

I find that one of the most common issues is when business owners turn a blind eye to what they are spending forgetting that it is simply a way to measure how to be better at your chosen opportunity in LIFE. 
Now please do not get me wrong as this is not all about cost cutting to achieve results in fact it is not even close to that. I know business owners who have a twenty thousand dollar overhead each month and are barely getting by (in fact most). I also know many business owners who have forty, sixty, eighty and a hundred thousand dollars per month in overhead and many are doing incredible with a hundred thousand a month in expenses where others may struggle at the same level. This teaches me that the answer is not in a number but rather in each one of us. I was emailing a Doctor this morning and asking him not to make a business move which would increase his rent by more than double each month from what he currently pays but that same move would likely increase his monthly new patients by double as well. I informed him that I was not against this investment of money as a whole but I was against it at this time for him specifically. I told him my reasoning as to what I thought his next step was in building his business and where he should focus attention right now and look at opportunities like this one when the timing is right.  

As I thought about his decision another email popped into me of a Doctor who was struggling with some expenses and he was really frustrated and then my mind drifted thinking of what is this all really about. One Business owner who has a larger overhead questioning to raise it for the better of his business, another business owner with a smaller overhead questioning to lower it for the betterment of his business. The difference in each case was simply the individual. 

I drifted for a moment and began to think about playing Monopoly as a kid. I loved the game by Parker Brothers. It was all about choosing your piece to go around the board as you accumulated real estate and monopoly money in hopes to win the game by gathering the most of both. I would always try to be the top hat because I assumed it was the best as it was the hat the banker would wear. I would do my best to buy up real estate, houses and hotels in hopes of charging others on the board rent and killing them all off to win the game! I would angle and barter and do all that was possible to always get ahead in this game and today I realized that the similarities of owning a business are very much like monopoly. In fact as I thought on the topic today, Life in general is actually very similar to Monopoly.

To begin the game of LIFE we have to choose what token we want t represent us. Do we want to the banker? The real estate agent? The doctor? The plumber? The therapist? What am I going to choose to call myself and do with my LIFE which will allow me to win at this game called LIFE? 

Where will I go to School? Will I go to school?
Where will I go to church? Will I go to church?
Where will I buy a house? Will I buy a house?
Who will I marry?
Will I have kids?
Where will I work?
What friends will I choose?

Each one of us in the game of Life is choosing our habits and our outlooks every day. Have you ever played a game like monopoly and you were bothered by the way others you were playing with were acting. You know what I mean when some people get real aggressive to win or others act as if they do not care as much. You end up making your choices to play games in the future based on how it was playing with these people in the past. In Life we often see the same things from different people and yet we often continue subjecting our chances of winning to the same positives or negatives. 

In fact as I mention the possible chances of seeing negatives in others it remind me that in order to see those negatives they had to first be seen by ME. I was listening to a teacher this morning who said that the more you can find reasons and blame for others when examining your life the further you are traveling from the truth. He taught as I have heard many others teach that my perceptions of the world are just that, they are MY perceptions. I was told one time that if I died tomorrow all of the issues and conflicts I have would die with me because they only live in me. To really understand this concept is the greatest gift I have ever been given. I have seen "issues" all my life and I have always been a solution finder. In fact I was often amazed at the power many people would give to others over their lives. When a person would tell me of how frustrated they were that so and so did this or acted a certain way. I would see people become overly outraged that someone else made a statement they disagreed with and my thought was simply why are you so caught up in it when you can choose to just not accept it if you do not like it. The focus on negative energy always creates negative energy. The focus on Positive energy always creates the same.

It was easy for me to see when others were allowing the conflicts "they chose" to rule their lives but it was not always as easy for me to see when I allowed them to do the same thing to me. As I was thinking about monopoly this morning it reminded me that the focus of this life is not how much we accumulate or purchase. Life is a game to be played and understood because it is simply about understanding ourselves and those who are playing the game with us. It is about being aware of what you want to be and what you want to change in you and in the world. The more we focus on blaming and pointing the less time is spent understanding ourselves and the responsibilities we have. 

I recently told an audience I was speaking to that as I look back on my childhood I can remember distinct chapters in my life. Ask me about when I was 6 years old and very real pictures come to mind about where I lived, how I looked and certain events in that year. The same would hold true for when I was seven years old, eight, nine and so on. I think most people can relate to this idea that if their life was broken down by years in chapters we could literally read the story of our lives. The challenge we often face is that when we reach adulthood there is a routine we often slip into. A pattern that hold less excitement than that we held as children seeking Life. It seems as if the story becomes repetitive and that is our biggest challenge of all. Can you imagine reading a book and chapter after chapter that was full of something new and challenging just like it was when we grew up. Imagine that after reading many of the chapters you came to one in the book that was exactly the same as the chapter you had just read. Immediately you would think it was a typo and as you turn to the next chapter to continue it would be really odd if it was the exact same as the previous two chapters. In fact you would most likely stop reading the book at that moment and who could blame you. Our job is to make sure that this book which is our Life remains fresh and new for all of the days we live. Not falling into routine and existence to repeat the same story year after year after year. 

Our Life is not about overhead or bills, obstacles or complaining, it is about being dedicated to learning, growing and giving to others with everything we have. To lose sight of this fact even for a moment is to start repeating the chapters of our life in an endless circle. The difference in every business owners life is not overhead but rather outlook. The way we follow through each day on the opportunities we have will always create or dismantle future opportunities. The way we appreciate each day will always give us more or give us less. The way we care for others will allow us more great relationships in life or less. Our business is simply a reflection of who we are. In fact our LIFE is simply a reflection of who we are and who we choose to be. If we want our overhead to be in check it is about us doing the things we know we left undone today.


Choose well and be thankful!

Deepak Chopra Shares "How to Handle Difficult People"

How to Handle Difficult People

 



The path to success can be derailed by clashes with difficult people, and even if the clash isn't disastrous, it can make your life very unpleasant. Everyone has a store of coping mechanisms that we resort to when we find ourselves in stressful situations. Difficult people force us to fall back on our coping mechanisms. Some of us placate, others confront. Some balk, others become aggressive. When these first-response tactics don't work, when a difficult person makes you tear your hair out in total frustration, you have to dig deeper into yourself and find a better strategy.
First of all, not every difficult person is the same. There are tyrants, curmudgeons, aggressors, the viciously competitive, and control freaks. A psychologist can outline how each beast might be tamed, but on a day-to-day basis, one can adopt a general approach that's the same. It's quite a simple strategy, actually, based on asking three questions.
1. Can I change the situation?
2. Do I have to put up with it instead?
3. Should I just walk away?
When you ask these questions in a rational frame of mind, you will be able to formulate a workable approach that is consistent and effective. Most people are prisoners of inconsistency. Think about the most difficult person in your life and how you have reacted to them over time. You'll probably find that you sometimes put up with them, sometimes try to get them to change, and other times simply want to stay away. In other words, three tactics have merged in a messy way. You wind up sending mixed messages, and that's never effective.
So let's consider each of the three questions in turn.
1. Can I change the situation?
Not all difficult people are beyond change, even though they are stubborn and stuck in their behavior. But there's a cardinal rule here that can't be ignored. No one changes unless he wants to. Difficult people rarely want to. If you have a close rapport with the person, you might find a moment when you can sit down and have a candid discussion about the things that frustrate you. But be prepared with an exit strategy, because if your difficult person winds up resenting you for poking your nose where it doesn't belong, trying to effect change can seriously backfire.
Your best chance of creating change occurs if the following things are present.
- You have a personal connection with the person.
- You have earned his respect.
- You've discreetly tested the waters and found her a bit open to change.
- You've received signals that he wants to change.
- You aren't afraid or intimidated.
- The two of you are fairly equal in power. If the difficult person is in a dominant position, such as being your boss, your status is too imbalanced.
A final caveat. Difficult people aren't going to change just to make you feel better. The worst chance of getting someone else to change occurs when you're so angry, frustrated, and fed up that you lose your composure and demand change.
2. Do I have to put up with it instead?
When you can't change a situation, only two options remain, either put up with it or walk away. Most of us aren't very effective in getting someone else to change, so we adapt in various ways. We are experts at putting up with things. Adaptation isn't bad per se; social life depends upon getting along with one another. It's a reasonable assumption that if you have difficult people in your life right now - and who doesn't? - you've learned to adapt. The real question is whether you are coping in a healthy or unhealthy way.
Look at the following lists and honestly ask yourself how well you are putting up with your difficult person.
Unhealthy:
- I keep quiet and let them have their way. It's not worth fighting over.
- I complain behind their backs.
- I shut down emotionally.
- I don't say what I really mean half the time, for fear of getting into trouble or losing control.
- I subtly signal my disapproval.
- I engage in endless arguments that no one wins.
- I have symptoms of stress (headache, knots in the stomach, insomnia, depression, and anxiety) but have decided to grin and bear it.
- I know i want to get out of this situation, but I keep convincing myself that I have to stick it out.
- I indulge in fantasies of revenge.
Healthy -
- I assess what works best for me and avoid what doesn't.
- I approach the difficult person as rationally as possible.
- I don't get into emotional drama with them.
- I make sure I am respected by them. I keep my dignity.
- I can see the insecurity that lies beneath the surface of their bad behavior.
- I don't dwell on their behavior. I don't complain behind their backs or lose sleep.
- I keep away from anyone who can't handle the situation, the perpetual complainers, gossips, and connivers.
- My interaction with the difficult person has no hidden agenda, like revenge. We are here for mutual benefit, not psychodrama.
- I know I can walk away whenever I have to, so I don't feel trapped.
- I can laugh behind this person's back. I'm not intimidated or afraid.
- I feel genuine respect and admiration for what's good in this person.
If your approach contains too many unhealthy ingredients, you shouldn't stick around. You're just rationalizing a hopeless situation. Your relationship with your difficult person isn't productive for either of you.
3. Should I just walk away?
Difficult people generally wind up alone, embattled, and bitter. They create too much stress, and one by one, everyone in their lives walks away. But it can take an agonizingly long time to make this decision. The problem is attachment. The abused wife who can't leave her violent husband, the worker who is afraid he can't find another job, the underling who serves as a doormat for his boss - in almost every instance their reason for staying is emotional. Life isn't meant to be clinically rational. Emotions are a rich part of our lives, and it's mature to take the bitter with the sweet - up to a point.
Too many people stick around when they shouldn't. The main exceptions are competitive types, who can't bear to be dominated or made to look bad. They instinctively run away from situations that hurt their self-image. The other main personality types - dependent and controlling - will put up with a bad situation for a long time, far beyond what's healthy. The point, in practical terms, is that you can't wait until you've resolved all your issues with a difficult spouse, boss, boyfriend, buddy, colleague, or employee. Vacillation doesn't make you a better or nicer person. You are treading water, hoping that the dreaded day will never come when you have to sever ties. The thought of separation causes you anxiety.
But as anxious as you feel, sometimes a rupture is the healthiest thing you can do. That’s the case if you have honestly confronted questions 1 and 2. If you know the difficult person isn't going to change, and if you've examined the unhealthy and healthy choices involved in putting up with them, you have a good foundation for making the right choice: Do I stay or do I walk? I'm not promising that your decision will feel nice. It probably won't. But it will be the right decision, the kind you will be able to look back on with a sigh of relief and recognition that moving on was healthy and productive.

Tuesday, August 6, 2013

More, More, More



Good Afternoon,

I just gave a teleconference today on the topic "Is it a Sacrifice, to train to be better in life". 

We hold trainings in our company every Tuesday to rehearse situations, explore ideas, review progress and return to motivations. During these trainings we also have teleconferences like the one today.

The two greatest desires I had of this training were too focus on the simplicity of reaching our goals and the services we should be using our freedoms to create. It often feels that no matter how much we strive to accomplish something, a goal, an award, reward, recognition etc.. the greater the satisfaction we all desire, seems to elude us. Is it possible that our greatest reward is not in the destination but the journey?? Is it also possible that when the goal is solely self serving that it still leaves us with void?

 I have had a lot of opportunity to experience travels abroad with friends and see first hand the differences in our American cultures and focus verses other international cultures. It has made me really think hard about the reasoning behind the American ways of acquisition and accomplishment. In the call I did today I spoke of the one time British Empire and the mindset they once held on World domination. The United Kingdom controlled almost as much as 70% of the entire planet at one time. It amazes me to think that 3 small islands in northwestern Europe would even have the desire to stretch themselves this far, much less actually accomplish it. In America we established our independence from "tyranny" of the british crown and King George in 1776. It was with great distaste that we rebelled against over taxation and domination from a foreign land. This all makes great sense to me but what did not make great sense is why we would have done exactly the same thing to other nations once we found our ability to be strong?

It was almost like the abused child who grows up to be the abuser. It seems as if the abused would not want to ever repeat the wrong they had experienced but instead there is some impression made on the human mind that this is way it is just supposed to be. In the call today I explored just a few of the over reaching abuses that the United States embarked upon over history; The Philipino-American War, Hawaiian Government overthrown and Islands stolen, Native Americans slaughtered for the land they possessed, Slavery's abuse of an entire race and that list goes on, unfortunately.

These recognitions are not against my home nation but rather to understand what impression has been created on all of us who call ourselves Americans. There has been an attitude to conquer and acquire as much as possible and I think it is evident in many of the ways we still live today. I was thinking of a friend of mine whom I have visited in his home in Europe. His father is a political representative with high position in their country's government and holds over 30 years of tenure with their parliament. I have stayed in their home, had dinner with them several times and spent time on their boat in the mediterranean. This man of politics would be the equivalent of the United States Speaker of the house. As I thought of his prominent position I began to compare it to the way we see high political office in the United States. I thought of the simplicity of this mans home which was very nice but very modest. Do not get me wrong the home and gardens were very welcoming but there an obvious absence of the grandeur and extravagance we often associate with the same man of position in the USA.  The entire home was 4 levels with about 2400 square feet or 600 sq. feet per level. The first floor was the entry, the laundry, the mud room and some indoor storage beside the garage. The next floor was the Living room, The kitchen and the dining room all on level 2 (about 600 sq. feet). The third level was an office and the master bedroom and bath. The top floor was two bedrooms and a bathroom. 

The reason I listed all of this out was because it hit me that this very accomplished European man of politics for over 30 years, resided in 1800 sq. feet of livable space. In the United States we see so many people who continue building and expanding their home to use every last dime they possess. Living paycheck to paycheck because enough is never enough. In the last 40 years the average home size in America has grown by over 50% in square footage alone. This does not begin to touch on the upgraded conveniences we now take for granted as compared to those in homes of 1970. There is an attitude that our society has fallen into of "it's never enough". I want to become aware of the origination of this syndrome so I can understand the challenges we have as our responsibility with over working, healthcare, depression, obesity, anxiety and the list goes on! 

Do you think that there could be any connection??

I am absolutely 100% in favor of a free democracy. I am a fervent believer in capitalism and the right of each individual to work hard and succeed. What I am less confident in is the ability of most people to know when they have reached great accomplishment and celebrate it. I am also unsure that as a civilization we know the reasoning for doing all that we do with our lives and talents or how to truly serve others. 

I have spent a lot of time examining the European approach to holidays. I used to think that there must be some form of insanity when everyone just takes an entire month off each summer. How do they pay their bills? Is this not irresponsible?? I was speaking to the owner of a small boutique hotel in Paris and she told me to come back to visit Paris in August because 90% of the Parisians would be gone on vacation and the city has a different flavor. There are many businesses still open in the tourism areas because the capitalism we enjoy in the USA certainly has its flavor in the larger cities of Europe as well. There are many more businesses who simply enjoy the month of August in absentia with their families and resting to be better versions of themselves when they return. I now am understanding that if 90% of my customers are gone on vacation then what obvious choice would I have but to go on vacation as well?? I think the question of who is insane might have to be thought over.

Even during the rest of the calendar year I see a greater celebration of life and a pace that takes time to stop for a cafe or to read in the park. These things may stand out to me so much because I have spent my life planning and reaching goals for the reasons I thought I should but this now causes me to question. Is there a different approach? I am not one to throw all I have away and hike the himalaya's for my inner search, although it does not sound too bad at the right time of year. ;-) Instead I am one who is considering looking at myself a little harder to determine why I am doing what I am doing. How does the product of my work each and every day serve to make other people and the world around them a better place? This is the search that has become too distant for all countries and cultures. I see the hurried pace to get to each goal but do we consider why we are striving and for what purpose?

Our lives are short relative to the span of world existence and the future to come. In order to be responsible with the energy I have I want to learn where to give of it and make the most impact on other people. I have a chance to use my freedoms of choice and not whine and complain to get more but instead look and discover how to give more. As a student of history and how different cultures were created it is telling to me in every instance how service and giving creates a long lasting platform for the greater good. At the same time cultures that were controlled by or rooted in self gratification always come to an end. It is each and every individuals right to choose and each ones responsibility to choose well. 

Developing a life that was worth living is simply choosing to search out our values and then behaving with integrity regarding those choices. Our Health, Our commitments, Our opportunities are all about doing what we say we will and then doing it. Find a reason beyond you to live your life today and then be amazed at the ability you have to actually make it happen.

"We don't give to get, but all receiving begins with giving"
"Your level of integrity is the level of congruency between your values and your behaviors."