The Season?
As I sit here this morning ready to embark on the highlight of the holidays my mind went to considering what this season means to different people. I have been receiving messages for the past week from so many people of thankfulness and appreciation.
In working with so many people there are also many message groups I subscribe to through my email accounts, which also give me the benefit of watching thoughts exchange between people. In watching the excitement and the appreciation of others it can serve you to become more appreciative yourself, if you are so inclined.
In receiving these messages of gratitude and many photos of everything from children's choir services to a photo of a friend and his newborn son a couple of days ago it can easily allow you to participate in the joy of the season, If you are so inclined.
You may ask yourself why my thoughts of appreciation listed above continue to offer a reservation of "If you are so inclined" and that is where my mind wandered to this morning as I thought about the appreciation I truly have for this year. I am not only aware of but have been often guilty of in the past of being very disappointed as I look back at this time of year. In being able to set goals and achieve them I have often been guilty of finding lack as I examine what I may have left undone as well.
This time of year usually gives us a little more down time to examine where our lives did and did not take the shapes we desired for this previous year. As we participate in the activities of the season and outwardly express appreciation, thankfulness and celebration there is often a silent killer lingering quietly behind the curtain ready for a few moments of solitude and attempt to take us into a space of what we did not accomplish this year. I read a second hand message like this one yesterday that at first really bothered me because I did not expect it from the person who had been pulled behind this curtain of doubt but then I remembered how often I have slipped into that same space myself.
This past week I shared some ideas that came to me regarding goal setting as this is also the time of year where people who are intent on getting and giving more in life tend to reflect and build lists of things they want to do bigger and better than ever before. There will be a percentage of people who will write down goals, resolutions, dreams and desires that will raise their spirits and make them examine how to just be better versions of themselves this year. I know that these are the people who truly make the world go around because they create and determine the process of all change in this world. Often these same people are looked at as peculiar because their ambitions are often seen as unreasonable or even beyond reach to others around them. This is encouraging to me as I think of it because it reminds me of George Bernard Shaw's quote "The reasonable man adapt's himself to the world where the unreasonable man adapt's the world to himself, therefore all progress is mad by the unreasonable man."
In examining the percentage of the world who enters into this behavior of desiring excellence, it is a much smaller one than I think it should be. I understand my own necessity for dreams, goals and ambitions and making a choice to not have them or dream of them would seem suffocating at best in my life. It is an imperative to dream and think big for our lives in order to see the opportunity to stretch ourselves and become the work of magnificent creation we were intended to become. There is much to write about the missing element of dreaming and goals setting in the world but I would choose to focus on the smaller percentage of those who do set goals and what 2 challenges they often find still standing in their way. It is commendable to see people take action in their lives and when people do it encourages others to do the same so in an effort to encourage this activity I want to help by sharing a couple of pitfalls I have seen slip into even the most commendable lives of people I know who are sincerely trying to be the best they can with their choices.
The first challenge I see taking place as we examine the past year is one of reviewing accomplishments and instead of often seeing what we did well, we instead see what we left undone. When checking off the list of goals from last year, it seems that no matter how much we may have accomplished, experienced and learned our attention is always drawn to what we did not do or left unchecked. There are so many things which appear to us throughout the course of a year which serve us to learn and grow and be wiser with future decisions but it seems that our lack of attention and appreciation for it often allows it to escape us.
We are taught in the principle of "The Secret" that what we focus on becomes our reality. We are taught in "think and grow rich" What the mind can conceive and believe the will can achieve. In spiritual text this teaching remains prevalent of "what we focus our hearts desires on....", countless messages on faith and belief..., parables of talents used and talents wasted..
All around us it stands to be evident that if we choose to focus our thoughts and desires in a direction that direction always seems to present itself so why in the world would I want to focus on lack? Need? failure? whats missing? whats left undone? what has not been accomplished? It seems to be clear that if my mind is focused on absence I am only creating an attitude and belief system centered on not accomplishing.
If we think about the small percentage of people in the world who are choosing to build goals and dream lists this time of year. How many of those same people are building those lists from what they did great this year verses how many are focused on what they left undone, whats missing or what will be made better next year?
When focusing on our dreams and desires to be better is done incorrectly, this good intention of building goals is often doing more harm than good. The more I focus on where I failed instead of succeeded the more I am reinforcing the possibility of failure. This is not an advocation to place our heads in the sand but rather it is an advocation to find the positive that exists in EVERYTHING. All aspects of life contain the ability to find what is useful and contributory to future success IF ONLY WE ARE INCLINED!
There are many verses of scriptural text which mean a lot to me but one of my all time favorites was when James wrote and said "to count it ALL joy" the more we find negatives the more we are building negatives but the more we find joy the more we are building joy. There are times when this thought is of great consolation to me and there are times where even when I know it is the truth, I see people who have faced such tragedy that there seems to be no consolation. The pain people feel in the face of great loss is only made bearable with the time, support and love of others but in the moment often finding the joy is unimaginable. I am not asking anyone in these situations to be burdened with a sense of failure when they are not finding the joy of ALL in periods of tragedy in life but rather it becomes much more imperative that we be surrounded by people who are in the select small percentage to hold us up when we are in these spaces of our lives so we may only return to once again search for joy at a later time.
As you hopefully set your goals and build dreams from this past year I encourage you to look at the calendar, month by month and week by week to find the things you really enjoyed and were thankful for. Make a list of how to improve on these things and make the desires of your heart more prevalent that last year and the list you are building will be focused on what you did well, what you will do better and completely avoid the downfalls of negative focus while attempting a positive future. Look for all of the opportunities and experiences where you learned and grew and make more room in your future for these activities. Think of the times you celebrated and cared for others in your life and make an effort to become more present in creating these times in your future. Do not get focused on regrets or whats missing because it only robs you of the opportunity to be truly present TODAY.
Yesterday is a memory and tomorrow is a dream but today is an opportunity to become all we want to become!
The second challenge we often find ourselves is the truly silent killer of our future success. It is the most common element of all human beings when failing to meet their dreams, goals and ambitions. It is well known and rarely recognized and we know it as Blame. All that exists in my life exists because of ME. No one chose to go where I have gone, done what have done, thought what I thought except ME. I often see people making lists of goals and the discussions held with them are often littered with the largest killer of future success known as BLAME.
I struggle with my observations of this more than any other item in human development. I see the nuances of positives over negatives but any choice of blame always eliminates ALL opportunity for improvement. As soon as I allow myself to believe that I have no control then I can never resolve the issue. Any statement that supports this thought is one that destroys my future of succeeding. I cannot for the life of me imagine why good people make such bad choices like choosing to think that any situation they find themselves in is the responsibility of anyone other than them self. I heard it said one time that ALL conflict exists inside of me. The proof is that all of the challenges I perceive in life around me would die with me if I were to die tomorrow so the choice to resolve conflict must be inside of me as well.
I see well meaning, well intentioned people allowing this killer into their thoughts, their words, their actions and most certainly their results. I was just reading the observations someone took the time to write out for their past year. I was amazed at the thought and energy placed into developing such an account of their past year and what they had left UNDONE. I was just as surprised at how many opportunities to place blame on associations, limitations, tools available and others in general. When I read it at first I felt frustration for someone with such a poor choice of outlook but it did not take long for those feelings to give way to pity. I imagined that same feeling we have all felt of being trapped inside and really believing that the answer was somewhere other than inside of me. When will somebody else fix my life?!!
That angst of why do people not see what is happening to me! I realized that although the statements were in complete error, the feeling of frustration must be giving them a false sense of validity through blaming others. This topic can be written on forever but the simple answer is that your life is your own and your choices are your own. Do what you like but above all take responsibility and you will be empowered to change it. Neglect responsibility even in the vaguest way and you choose to empower your certain struggle with success.
I have always had a coupe of real good tips that help me overcome the challenge of responsibility. The first tip is look around you. If even one other person is able to accomplish in the situation then that proves it is acheivable. The only question left is can I choose to achieve it? It seems easy to want to associate myself with lots of others who may be struggling but what good does that do me? I simply choose to be among the successful ones. I am a small percentage but this rule will always keep me there and I will always refuse to be among the many.
The second rule is cultivating my culture. There are people I CHOOSE to be around every day and every day I examine how they support me in my search to be among the few, the creators, the successful the unreasonable. I will not go lightly into the darkness of mediocrity but rather I choose to lead myself and others into the light of accomplishment. It is imperative that we select organizations, environments and relationships that build us to accept responsibility and be among the few. The Pareto Principle teaches that 80% of the world creates 20% of the results while the other 20% create 80% of the results. I choose to be among the few and help change the world and see the minority of positive focus become larger each day and create larger change for the good.
I look at the people I work with daily and my honest desire is to be among the few that want to change the world for the better. The only way I can do this is to accept responsibility for my life and help others to do the same. To focus on whats working and not whats broke. Amplifying positives will create results and get the attention of others. When I slip and choose to do some things that prevent some of the goals I wished to obtain then the question I should ask is "What good came form that?"
Vic Johnson used to say that when he was in business he made some really large mistakes and it was just ten years later that many companies were paying him large sums of money to help prevent them from making those same mistakes!
Dennis Waitley speaks of losing his home in search of building a new business and moved on to say over and over that "Failure is the fertilizer of Success"
I can choose to find blame and distance from the solutions of my life or I can choose to know it is all about me choosing to think right. Surrounding myself with opportunities to be surrounded by others who think right. My job is to be thankful this season and count it all joy.
I know that everyone out there reading this message has much to be thankful for. I know this message was read on your computer, if not one of several you own. I know that the electricity which powered that computer is up and running to comfort your life. I know that the internet provider you subscribe to is paid and running and this is a luxury. I know that these creature comforts indicate a life that is able to be thankful. I also know that someone shared the opportunity for you to be connected to this message and that tells me that someone cared about you and what you get in this life.
I am very confident that there is someone very close to you right now if not in the next room waiting for you to choose to be positive and accept responsibility. It may be the greatest lesson of their life and they are watching you, just as they are watching me. I hope this end of year season gives you the strength of character to accept responsibility and share it with those around you. It was never any situation that we find ourselves in but rather it was the self we finally understood to find with power in the situation.
May God bless and Happy Holidays
Enjoy the Search,
Brian Dugger
