On a Small Piece of Land...

I had an opportunity recently to have my eyes opened to a new insight in what I felt to be a most unlikely setting. I am sure many of you have been there before where you are just cruising along doing what you think you should be doing or what you want to be doing and then all of sudden, it hits you like a big smack in the face. "Really I did not see this coming?" Even afterwards you feel a little dumbfounded that you did not see the signs but here you are anyways a little stunned from the impact. 

It was about 16 -17 years ago I started working with Chiropractors in a practice management company. It was a company that was focused on helping Doctors improve their business communication, systems and performance skills in order to create better results on the bottom line. 

There were several different people who worked within the practice management company to serve the clients we had. There were marketing and graphic design people to help raise the level of professionalism in advertising. There were performance review and analyzing numbers people to focus attention on the right areas of need in a business. There were organizational team members who kept the ship running and everyone communicating well. Education and communication was also a major focus area on how to educate our clients in educating their patients by teaching better talking points and practicing those tactics regularly. 

We would meet up with all our clients four times per year at some major training event in a different city each time in order to create the "executive experience" and hold what we called roundtable sessions. During those events we would have incredible speakers from all over the business community. Robert Kyosaki, John Miller, Michael Gerber, Robin Sharma and the list would go on with some really great teachers for us to learn from. In between these "Roundtable" events which we would hold every 3 months we would also create call schedules and teleconferences that helped us keep our clients on track, growing their business and improving their systems. "If I knew then what I know now" is the first expression that comes to my mind. In our continuing effort to improve performance we were always working on systems and procedures and how to share them better. We were so busy "Doing" all the time we were often not very aware of the idea of "Being". 

The majority of civilization is constantly focused on "Doing" more, creating more, accomplishing more and all of those items can be great things but not at the cost of knowing how to become more or knowing how to remember to focus on "Being"more. It is a tough thing to remember how to stop and focus on whats around us in each situation and what we are supposed to be learning from it. If our temporary life on this earth is simply a compilation of our knowledge and experiences that build the energy within us to give to others; then why do we not stop more often to realize the impact each situation is trying to develop in us? There is an entire book on this subject, no actually there is an entire library that could be filled on this subject alone. Recognizing the opportunity in every feeling and every circumstance we experience in life. It is these take aways that build who we choose to become and the way we are able to lead and give to others around us. 

In this business group we worked with, this awareness was almost undetectable. We all worked very hard on "Doing" but the idea of "Being" was so rarely addressed because it was not at our collective conscious level as a group. More, More, More could have been our mantra and many were finding that on a financial or superficial levels. It is since that time I have learned that sustaining more only comes from shifting my focus to what I do and who it serves and the better I become at the shift of focus in a correct direction, more seems to be the natural outcome. 

"I wish I had", "I need more Money", "I need more time", "Poor me", "When will I get a break?", "No one understands""they took advantage of me"

These are just a few of the never ending phrases we have all used and hear regularly in the world around us and each one of them points the individual user into the wrong direction. When falling into the ongoing and prevalent trap of self indulged focus we are less motivated to become something great, truly worth rewarding. The more we can locate a purpose for giving aid and helping others, the more self sacrifice is needed and eventually it leads to less focus on self. 

This is where two of my favorite all time quotes come to mind each time I study this subject. 

"You can have anything you want if you can help enough other people get what they want" by Zig Ziglar 

and the other is"We do not give to get but ALL receiving begins with giving" by Jim Rohn. 

What are you giving today? What is your focus placed upon to make change for others? Are you just trusting that you will be taken care of in the process?

It is often a very difficult situation to contemplate but I have found after working with thousands of people it is the only way to find true significance and peace in the journey. Every battle with EGO and more, more, more leads me back to frustration. The focus on appreciation for what I currently have and how I can make a change in the world, with the opportunities of today, gives incredible peace, self worth and reward even when you were not looking for it. 

In the group I mentioned earlier there were many foundational blocks laid which allowed me to work on the "Doing" and prepare me for the eventual"Being". One of the most critical foundation blocks was the relationships built at that time in my life. Many of the relationships I have today and value the most all began within that group. There were a few of us who just naturally attracted to each other and held on to the relationships well beyond what existed within that temporary search and connection. (Every situation and opportunity is a temporary search for learning by the way) 

One of those relationships was with a guy named Dav Neubauer (Norwegian spelling for Dave) who was on the team with me as an educational and communication coach. He was an easy guy to like and know, at least most of the time, and as we traveled we began to know each other better. It was not long after I first met Dav that I was also introduced to his entire family, he was married to Carrie and they had 3 small children at the time Cole, Ross and Annie. We all met on one of these business trips to Cancun with the rest of our colleagues traveling together. As Dav and I  hung out together we had some good discussions and for whatever reasons, unknown at the time, we started to hang out a little bit more and communicate with each other often in the course of daily work. 

Dav used to also host Doctors in his home town for a period of 3-4 days in between our meetings for what he called "Boot Camps". In these sessions he would do what we were doing at other times in Cancun, Ottawa, Scottsdale or many other cities. He would lock down for a few days and focus on how to raise the level of intent that each Doctor used in sharing their principles and beliefs. These "Boot camps" would be full of mechanics like scripting and practices to be better communicators. The sessions would be filmed and critiqued to increase performance for each Doctor in attendance hoping to raise the level of impact so that when they returned home it would increase performance in their businesses. 

All of these systems, ideas and training sessions made complete sense but what made little sense to me is the location he chose to hold these events in. There are a lot of cities in the North American continent and I have been fortunate enough to visit a large number of them. I have logged over 2.5 million air miles in my life and it has taught me a few things about which cities are easier and which are more difficult to host events such as these in. There are some cities that just have fewer air routes and therefore cost more money to fly into and some have less time options as a result. There are cities that have more hotels and that makes it easier on you to offer better pricing because of supply and demand availability. The education in this field of hosting corporate events is something I have found hard to explain to people who have never really traveled extensively and set the events up but some places just make more sense. The Location for Boot Camp that Dav chose was to fly into Minneapolis and travel about 1.5 hours west to a town called Bird Island Minnesota, Population of 1200 at that time. This did not seem like the likely place to host a training event that people would be asked to travel to from all over the country but it was his choice. 

As time went on I came to realize that he chose this town because it was his hometown. He had built a very successful practice in this small town serving patients when he was a practicing chiropractor. That practice had grown to a point where he was seeing 2000 patient visits per month in a very rural setting. The growth he had experienced was directly related to the way he learned to communicate and now he was teaching others what he had learned to do. As I would visit his home town of "Bird Island" Minnesota I would learn more and more about him and his family. He grew up on a farm less than a mile across the pasture from where his new home now stood. After building his practice to a successful level he eventually sold it and began to search for other things to do with his skills. When he was newly married to his high school girlfriend they lived in San Diego for a period of time while he was studying. They found great pleasure in the warmth of Southern California but only to return to Minnesota because his Dad a local 2nd generation Minnesota farmer had asked him to come back and serve their hometown not long before his father passed away. After many years in practice in a Minnesota farm town and after selling that business he had built from scratch he decided to move his family to Arizona and test out the sun filled lifestyle once again, only to return to the draw of Minnesota a year later to be close to the family that was missed.

Here we are in the most unlikely place to host training events and the question I would ask is; Why Here?

Dav was one of 7 children and the 5th in line of age. As I Look back now I realize how fortunate I was to visit that town as often as I did. I learned something there that I am still learning to this day. As I got to know him and his relatives I began to see the entire dynamic of a large family which I was not exposed to growing up. I saw that there were 7 kids who grew up in a small farmhouse that was located on a farm shared by their Dad, Jerry and their uncle Don. Jerry and Don had both inherited the land from their father before them and worked side by side their entire lives. These 2 brothers had grown up in Bird Island Minnesota and attended St. Mary's High School located right next door to St. Mary's parish. Jerry (Dav's father) had met and married a girl named Gloria Bohm in 1949 in St. Mary's parish. Gloria just like Jerry was also a graduate of St. Mary's high School class of 1948 and her family had moved there from Farmington when she was a junior in high school. After being married they settled onto the Neubauer family farm and started building a life that most of the world was completely unaware of. 

I have visited this farmhouse many times over the years including the very first visit I ever made to Bird Island when Dav was insistent I go out to the farm and meet his mom. I was immediately greeted with a smile and a "nice to meet ya" I was amazed as I went through the 150 year old farmhouse with one bathroom that a family with 7 kids could fit here! Dav and his mom showed me the rooms in the carved out attic of the house and showed me who slept where and in which beds. I remember being fascinated that it was even possible from that very first visit. I did not know all of the family yet but Dav and his mom Gloria were showing me the space that each one of them grew up in as they told me stories about their family. I did not know how these first thoughts would build in my mind to the point of what I see today but here it goes. Each time I visited Dav and the Neubauer family I would meet a few more of them and get to know them a little bit more. Some I would see more often than others but they were all in pretty close proximity to the original farmhouse so it was pretty likely you would meet them if you visited Bird Island. I never knew Dav's dad because he had passed away in 1985 when Dav was only 24 and Gloria was only 54. 

This past week I flew to Minnesota once again to visit Bird Island because Gloria Neubauer had passed away peacefully in her sleep at the age of 84. I flew there to be with friends and support them during an incredible loss in their lives. As I arrived in Bird Island on Sunday night at St. Mary's parish, I went to get in the receiving line which was over an hour and a half long to express condolences to the family. After waiting for a while I was pulled out of the line by Dav's son Ross and his Cousin Sean whom I have close relationships with. I walked up to the front of the church and just waited until I was able to say hi to Dav and Carrie who were shaking hands with all of the people who had come to pay respect to Gloria. That night I stayed at Dav's Bird Island house with his family and many of his nephews came over to hang out and catch up. Over these past 16 - 17 years I have had the chance to know many of Dav's relatives through fishing trips, holidays spent together, experiences shared and many trips to Minnesota. A few of us hung out that night and caught up on what was going on in life and then after much conversation we went to bed pretty late.

I woke up the next morning to take a walk around the town of Bird Island and as your imagination has probably gathered it was not as long a walk as I was wanting that morning due to the size of town. It did allow me to process some thoughts and prepare myself to learn through the experiences that would take place that day, even though I did not see it coming. I got back to Dav's house to get ready for Gloria's funeral service and felt a little under dressed that morning due to the fact I was traveling when I received news of her passing and all my suits were at home. After getting to the church and awaiting the service to begin, I sat down with some friends who were not in the family. I watched as the family again thanked everyone for coming to the services that day. Once the procession began the family came in together to be seated in the first few rows of St. Mary's parish. Gloria's entire family came in; 7 children with 7 spouses, 22 Grandchildren most with spouses and 22 great grand children. You can do the quick math and realize that there were about 80 people in the first few rows of the service known as the Neubauer family. 

As I looked around the church I was not sure how many people St. Mary's would hold but it looked to me as if there were 5 times as many people in the rest of the church as there were in the family rows. At this time my mind started racing from all of the photos I had seen of Gloria's life scattered about the service. I was aware that she had gone to high school next door and been married in this same place I was sitting. She only lived just down the street on the farm where she had been a "farmers wife" and a mom to 7 kids. I read in the bulletin that talked about her volunteer service for 65 years in 4H, the choir, religious education instructor, hospice volunteer, St. mary's school board. I kept reading and on the back page of one of the bulletins handed out were a list of "Gloria-isms" that she was well known for always saying. "Be there", 'Love ya Kiddo", "Always do your best", "Do you have enough money?""Can I make you a ham sandwich?", "As long as you are happy, I'll support you", "Whatever..Cry me a river and then build me a bridge to get over it" and many more. 

I started thinking about how many incredibly talented lives she had blessed this earth with. How many incredible families she had literally given birth to. I thought about the fact that for 30 years she was the matriarch who held her family together even after she lost her husband and partner in life. Even from an outsiders perspective I was fully aware that Neubauer Christmas took place on Christmas eve with Grandma Gloria. I was also fully aware just like everyone in her family that 4th of July was her birthday and it was a day for the Neubauer family to be together and celebrate this firecracker of a woman. 

It became so obvious to me sitting in that church of what she had built from her dreams and visions of giving to people and then teaching those same people to live their lives in that manner. On a small piece of land in the middle of Minnesota she had created an empire to change the world and she is still guiding it every day. She guides it through the words she repeated so often, she guides it through the memories of how she faced adversity, she guides it through the energy she taught others to walk in and she leaves the responsibility to 80 more people to do the same with their lives.

At the grave side service just after we left the church I noticed that the headstone next to hers read Gerald Neubauer "Farmer". I then looked at her headstone and it read Gloria Neubauer "Farmers Wife". On a Small piece of land in the middle of Minnesota, greatness was built and I began to understand that we all will end up on a small piece of land someday but it's what each of us choose to do with what we have been given now that truly makes the difference others need.

I looked at the bulletin once again that we had been given that day and I found a letter from Gloria Neubauer written to her children in the last days of her life and it read;

Dear Family,

Sometimes it's hard to convey your feelings to the people you love.

Looking back on my life, there isn't a lot of accomplishment to put on

my account, but this is the time to tell each of you what a wonderful

feeling I feel when someone speaks your name.

Thank you from the bottom of my heart for belonging to me.

Mom

In that church that day I realized what incredible magnificence was the person I had seen so many times. Someone who was so dedicated to "Being" the best at what she had put her hand to that she had created something really great. People from many places had come to honor her in a service that any human being would be proud to have as recognition of a life well lived. I am thankful today for having the chance to know someone who was so great at what she did and yet I feel a little foolish for not always knowing how to recognize it each and every time I saw her. Thank you Gloria Neubauer for what you gave the world and many relationships that are very dear to me. You had many more accomplishments on your list than you will ever realize!