Conduit to Greatness or mediocre existence

Thoughts for the day...

I was discussing some things with a friend of mine the other day and as the discussion unfolded there were some cool concepts that helped clarify an outlook on life for me so I thought to take a few minutes and share them with others. 

It was a little while back that a chiropractor wanted to join our company as a franchisee in spite of his struggling finances  he found a way to move forward and he sent in a check to attend our next official HealthSource training for new franchisees. 

While in attendance at this HealthSource training we realized some really large financial challenges that would likely prevent him from even operating/affording in the basic mechanics and systems we were teaching him to put in place. After the realization was made by us it was discussed by every one on our team that the best thing to do was to refund his check and not sign the contract but instead offer to help him over the next 6 months to overcome some of his challenges and create a healthier practice which might allow him to reapply and become a franchisee at a later date. 

This is something we typically do not do with anyone outside our company but since he had made it so far in the vetting process before we were made fully aware of his circumstances we agreed it would be a fair position to take with him and try to help him overcome. My friend Jim has been holding review calls on his progress to advise and examine his results and in the process his practice grew over the first few months. The other morning Jim was telling me that over the past two months it has started to recede and he was pretty bummed about it. 

During our discussion Jim told me he was meeting with him later that day to discuss the situation and I thought I would give a few ideas to Jim to help clarify. The first thing that popped in my head was that life and who we are is a lot like a conduit. A conduit is a piece of pipe or channel through which things can flow. If you look at the plumbing in your house and examine the pipes the water flows through you will find some interesting things. When the pipe is new and clean and smooth on the inside it works at its best. If you allow just a trickle of water into the one end it will easily flow through to the other end but as time passes and stuff keeps flowing some natural occurrences take place. There is a build up over time and little by little you will see sediment growing and increasing to build on the walls of the pipes. The greater the sediment and build up the smaller the channel is to allow proper flow and the more pressure we have to turn on to create a steady out put. 

This seems a little like life to me.

Our life continues with each and every passing experience and day and as time goes on we put a lot of things into our conduit and push it through. The challenge is that a lot of the "stuff" we pass through our own personal lives and channels leaves junk and sediment on the walls. Over time the junk and sediment builds up and our ability to flow through life with enjoyment seems to slow down or become harder to create what once seemed a little easier. The key in my opinion as I told Jim is a big dump of drano into this thing we call life!

How do we learn to clean out the pipes and create a healthy channel for us to allow great work, great creation, great relationships and great impact to flow through every one of us?

I am a really big believer in the proper basic blocks of each and every day and have been for quite a while now because I know it works. 

Let me give you an example.....

The foundation of every single day is Block 1 or Interval 1 depending on your choice of terminology. In this first block of the day we are choosing to either prepare for greatness or launch ourselves into mediocrity. Every morning I awake to take some time to exercise and listen to some great teachers. I know that all the things I know today is the result of what I have learned and all that want to be tomorrow is the result of what I add to what I know through continuing to learn. Many people seem to make it through school and somehow think that learning is no longer a responsibility. It just depends on what you want your life to stand for or not stand for. Each day I focus on listening to lectures from great teachers and achievers because I want t add to my knowledge base. Some days I repeat some of the audio teachings in my collection over and over again on my iPhone because the content is just so empowering. In the first block it is important to me that I find peace, knowledge and passion to make each and every day count. For these reasons it is a daily choice that I listen to many different teachers. I also choose to just be quiet for a few minutes and think or not think as the case may be to clear my mind. I also know to focus and be appreciative of all the opportunities I have and thankful for the new ones I will have that day. In this first block I am preparing myself to launch into the day with passion and purpose and therefore expecting my impact to be larger than the average human being. 

The second building block of the day is the walls or Block 2. This is what I often refer to as the "small game". Every one has "work" to do each day and "task lists" to complete but these items are only as good as the person who is choosing to do them.  The more prepared a person is to tackle the day with a solid mindset then the better the days accomplishments will naturally be. It is a firm belief I hold that if I can find gratitude for what I am doing then I will be given more opportunity. If I can also be willing to work at growing and seeking purpose and skill I will succeed at those same opportunities. The combination of these two things will create more opportunity for me to try new things and evolve to a higher level.

The third and final block of each day is Block 3 or the roof. This is the simple sharing and enjoyment of the days accomplishments with people you care for. It is a time to celebrate and be at peace with a days great work.  Relax, unwind, communicate and be open with those you love. Turn off the TV and just talk for a bit about what was really cool today. Tomorrow will bring new opportunities but each opportunity we will have is completely dependent on how we handled talents and tasks we have already been gifted with. Be responsible with the chances you have and more will be given to you. ;-)

John Maxwell often says that he lives his life by the bookends of the day which is simply two questions....

First question in the morning when I wake "Today, Who can I add value to and how will I do it?"

The last question of the day "Today, who did I add value to and how did I do it?"

The centering of these two questions is creating a cognizance or recognition of finding purpose and passion for making change in the world and that is why we were all created. Our happiness and prosperity is directly related to how we succeed at helping others around us succeed and these 3 blocks are critical to that search.

Back to my conversation with Jim about that doctor.... I told Jim that sometimes when we have outside circumstances create excitement or energy in our lives it sometimes causes us to turn up the flow of our work, energy and sometimes results. The challenge is that if the conduit that is our lives has junk from the past or bad learning on the walls it is restricting the flow of our creation. Imagine going to a Tony Robbins event and getting excited and coming back the next week to turn up the pressure and create great results. Imagine making a new goal or resolution to do the same. Imagine hearing a great teaching at a seminar or online and getting motivated temporarily. Imagine someone taking time to coach you and examine your choices to help you grow. Those are all cool things and good things but don't we want to get to a point that no matter how high the pressure is turned up or turned down we are always producing because we are focused on keeping our lives clean from junk and sediment?

Zig Ziglar said it best when he was asked one time If motivation ever wears off? and to that question he answered that it most certainly did and that is why he recommended it daily!

The same goes for learning!

Building Block number one is necessary for all of us to clean out the old and wrong ways of thinking out and that is why we should do it daily. I love listening to guys like John Maxwell, Jim Rohn, Wayne Dyer, Brian Tracy, Ram Dass, Deepak Chopra and the list of great teachers that can go on and on. I am a very regular customer of the itunes store and audible.com because I want a huge library to learn from.. 

EVERY day I want to listen and learn new ideas because block number two is the work but the effort is only as good as the worker. The talented and educated worker is built in block number one. I am often found sharing these principles with others because it is absolutely true that those who schedule time every day to be better and more successful will be. Make a schedule that allows you some time alone in the morning, time to learn in the morning, time to think in the morning and time to exercise in the morning. Your time could be 30 minutes if you plan it and for some it is as much as two hours every morning but for those who just launch into the work of each day they will usually find frustration, exhaustion and results that represent what they currently know and what they currently plan for each day.

I asked Jim what would it be like if I sent Wayne Dyer to your house for two hours every morning for one month to talk about life and think about ideas?

I asked Jim what would it be like if I sent Deepak Chopra the second month to your house for two hours every morning to talk about life and think about ideas?

I asked Jim what would it be like if I sent Jim Rohn the third month to your house for two hours every morning to talk about life and think about ideas?

Do you think you would be more powerful? 

More Motivated? 

More Inspired? 

More at peace with life? 

Able to accomplish more?

That is just like dumping drano into our conduit and cleaning the junk off the walls. All we have to do to be great is decide to be great, so take the time each day to plan a schedule that you follow towards greatness. Ideas are plentiful! Ted talks, motivation on you tube, inspirational teachers, audio books and the list goes on forever when you start looking. If you have made it through my LENGTHY post today then I know you are searching for something better so why not start today and build a personal calendar dedicated to greatness. Get up a little earlier and make greatness happen.

My final thought to share is that when you have figured out this is true by doing it in your life, please share it with others and help them stop living in their mediocrity as well. We all have natural talents and can produce with our lives but raw talent versus focused and developed talent always has a different impact on the world around us.

As Zig also once said "you can have anything you want if you can help enough other people get what they want"

Help yourself and then be passionate about helping others and results will always follow. I PROMISE.

Have a great life!

What we learn when we are young we seem to often forget...

Oh, the Places You'll Go!

by

Dr. Seuss

Congratulations!
Today is your day.
You're off to Great Places!
You're off and away!

You have brains in your head.
You have feet in your shoes.
You can steer yourself
any direction you choose.
You're on your own. And you know what you know.
And YOU are the guy who'll decide where to go.

You'll look up and down streets. Look 'em over with care.
About some you will say, "I don't choose to go there."
With your head full of brains and your shoes full of feet,
you're too smart to go down any not-so-good street.

And you may not find any
you'll want to go down.
In that case, of course,
you'll head straight out of town.

It's opener there
in the wide open air.

Out there things can happen
and frequently do
to people as brainy
and footsy as you.

And then things start to happen,
don't worry. Don't stew.
Just go right along.
You'll start happening too.

OH!
THE PLACES YOU'LL GO!

You'll be on your way up!
You'll be seeing great sights!
You'll join the high fliers
who soar to high heights.

You won't lag behind, because you'll have the speed.
You'll pass the whole gang and you'll soon take the lead.
Wherever you fly, you'll be best of the best.
Wherever you go, you will top all the rest.

Except when you don't.
Because, sometimes, you won't.

I'm sorry to say so
but, sadly, it's true
that Bang-ups
and Hang-ups
can happen to you.

You can get all hung up
in a prickle-ly perch.
And your gang will fly on.
You'll be left in a Lurch.

You'll come down from the Lurch
with an unpleasant bump.
And the chances are, then,
that you'll be in a Slump.

And when you're in a Slump,
you're not in for much fun.
Un-slumping yourself
is not easily done.

You will come to a place where the streets are not marked.
Some windows are lighted. But mostly they're darked.
A place you could sprain both your elbow and chin!
Do you dare to stay out? Do you dare to go in?
How much can you lose? How much can you win?

And IF you go in, should you turn left or right...
or right-and-three-quarters? Or, maybe, not quite?
Or go around back and sneak in from behind?
Simple it's not, I'm afraid you will find,
for a mind-maker-upper to make up his mind.

You can get so confused
that you'll start in to race
down long wiggled roads at a break-necking pace
and grind on for miles cross weirdish wild space,
headed, I fear, toward a most useless place.
The Waiting Place...

...for people just waiting.
Waiting for a train to go
or a bus to come, or a plane to go
or the mail to come, or the rain to go
or the phone to ring, or the snow to snow
or the waiting around for a Yes or No
or waiting for their hair to grow.
Everyone is just waiting.

Waiting for the fish to bite
or waiting for the wind to fly a kite
or waiting around for Friday night
or waiting, perhaps, for their Uncle Jake
or a pot to boil, or a Better Break
or a string of pearls, or a pair of pants
or a wig with curls, or Another Chance.
Everyone is just waiting.

NO!
That's not for you!

Somehow you'll escape
all that waiting and staying
You'll find the bright places
where Boom Bands are playing.

With banner flip-flapping,
once more you'll ride high!
Ready for anything under the sky.
Ready because you're that kind of a guy!

Oh, the places you'll go! There is fun to be done!
There are points to be scored. There are games to be won.
And the magical things you can do with that ball
will make you the winning-est winner of all.
Fame! You'll be as famous as famous can be,
with the whole wide world watching you win on TV.

Except when they don't
Because, sometimes they won't.

I'm afraid that some times
you'll play lonely games too.
Games you can't win
'cause you'll play against you.

All Alone!
Whether you like it or not,
Alone will be something
you'll be quite a lot.

And when you're alone, there's a very good chance
you'll meet things that scare you right out of your pants.
There are some, down the road between hither and yon,
that can scare you so much you won't want to go on.

But on you will go
though the weather be foul.
On you will go
though your enemies prowl.
On you will go
though the Hakken-Kraks howl.
Onward up many
a frightening creek,
though your arms may get sore
and your sneakers may leak.

On and on you will hike,
And I know you'll hike far
and face up to your problems
whatever they are.

You'll get mixed up, of course,
as you already know.
You'll get mixed up
with many strange birds as you go.
So be sure when you step.
Step with care and great tact
and remember that Life's
a Great Balancing Act.
Just never forget to be dexterous and deft.
And never mix up your right foot with your left.

And will you succeed?
Yes! You will, indeed!
(98 and 3/4 percent guaranteed.)

KID, YOU'LL MOVE MOUNTAINS!

So...
be your name Buxbaum or Bixby or Bray
or Mordecai Ali Van Allen O'Shea,
You're off the Great Places!
Today is your day!
Your mountain is waiting.
So...get on your way!

Lets try to remember it this time.

Monopoly Money

Monopoly Money

I was looking over a couple of businesses this morning and the overhead they are running with and it made me think about what is the proper overhead for any business. There are formulas and equations that we study to understand the right percentages or the proper allocations but I think it is really much larger than just a formula. I work with hundreds of business owners every week to examine the development of their investments. The underlying theme always remains the same for each one of them; "Your business is a reflection of you" 

There are so many bills in this game called life that we get lost from time to time in the shuffle. We have light bills, water bills, food bills, family bills, house bills, car bills and if I kept going it might begin to depress many of you reading this so I will choose to stop right there. The challenge of keeping up with all that is "normal" in todays world can become overwhelming if we allow it to. I work in HealthCare which is definitely a world of rising costs on all fronts. The more that the federal government attempts to study and "help" the system the more regulations seem to evolve. New requirements of every health care provider to track and monitor everything from the entrance signature of the patient, paperwork, disclosures, regulations that keep changing all the way to the electronic records now being mandated for reporting/monitoring purposes. These mandated helps and regulations are creating higher costs to the health providers which will always be paid by the patients in the end.

Since this is the world I work in most of the time it is important for me to remember how and where to focus attention in order to have the most impact on every day. One thing I started to think about this morning was that I know many Doctors working all over the country with completely different overheads. There are some similarities because of the work they do but less than you might think. There should be approximate number of team members for each business depending on the volume of patients they see but not as common as you might think. There should be commonality on floor space depending on the size of the practice but again not as often as you would think. There should be similarities of personal salaries and expenses but actually this is far from true. When we look at each business there should be a way to see commonality between all offices that are seeing 600 visits per month but we do not. There should be the same for all offices who see 800 visits per month but we still do not. There should be the same picture of expense with offices that each see 1000 patients per month but it always seems to be moving back and forth. 

This is in my opinion one of our greatest challenges in any business; understanding how to create a budget that is not completely negotiable depending on circumstances. As a business owner it is imperative that you MUST be familiar with what it cost you to run your business each month and you must also become so intimate that you are always searching for ways to improve. When you hear of someone accomplishing the same thing for less, your immediate question is How? What more is there for me to learn?

I find that one of the most common issues is when business owners turn a blind eye to what they are spending forgetting that it is simply a way to measure how to be better at your chosen opportunity in LIFE. 

Now please do not get me wrong as this is not all about cost cutting to achieve results in fact it is not even close to that. I know business owners who have a twenty thousand dollar overhead each month and are barely getting by (in fact most). I also know many business owners who have forty, sixty, eighty and a hundred thousand dollars per month in overhead and many are doing incredible with a hundred thousand a month in expenses where others may struggle at the same level. This teaches me that the answer is not in a number but rather in each one of us. I was emailing a Doctor this morning and asking him not to make a business move which would increase his rent by more than double each month from what he currently pays but that same move would likely increase his monthly new patients by double as well. I informed him that I was not against this investment of money as a whole but I was against it at this time for him specifically. I told him my reasoning as to what I thought his next step was in building his business and where he should focus attention right now and look at opportunities like this one when the timing is right.  

As I thought about his decision another email popped into me of a Doctor who was struggling with some expenses and he was really frustrated and then my mind drifted thinking of what is this all really about. One Business owner who has a larger overhead questioning to raise it for the better of his business, another business owner with a smaller overhead questioning to lower it for the betterment of his business. The difference in each case was simply the individual. 

I drifted for a moment and began to think about playing Monopoly as a kid. I loved the game by Parker Brothers. It was all about choosing your piece to go around the board as you accumulated real estate and monopoly money in hopes to win the game by gathering the most of both. I would always try to be the top hat because I assumed it was the best as it was the hat the banker would wear. I would do my best to buy up real estate, houses and hotels in hopes of charging others on the board rent and killing them all off to win the game! I would angle and barter and do all that was possible to always get ahead in this game and today I realized that the similarities of owning a business are very much like monopoly. In fact as I thought on the topic today, Life in general is actually very similar to Monopoly.

To begin the game of LIFE we have to choose what token we want t represent us. Do we want to the banker? The real estate agent? The doctor? The plumber? The therapist? What am I going to choose to call myself and do with my LIFE which will allow me to win at this game called LIFE? 

Where will I go to School? Will I go to school?

Where will I go to church? Will I go to church?

Where will I buy a house? Will I buy a house?

Who will I marry?

Will I have kids?

Where will I work?

What friends will I choose?

Each one of us in the game of Life is choosing our habits and our outlooks every day. Have you ever played a game like monopoly and you were bothered by the way others you were playing with were acting. You know what I mean when some people get real aggressive to win or others act as if they do not care as much. You end up making your choices to play games in the future based on how it was playing with these people in the past. In Life we often see the same things from different people and yet we often continue subjecting our chances of winning to the same positives or negatives. 

In fact as I mention the possible chances of seeing negatives in others it remind me that in order to see those negatives they had to first be seen by ME. I was listening to a teacher this morning who said that the more you can find reasons and blame for others when examining your life the further you are traveling from the truth. He taught as I have heard many others teach that my perceptions of the world are just that, they are MY perceptions. I was told one time that if I died tomorrow all of the issues and conflicts I have would die with me because they only live in me. To really understand this concept is the greatest gift I have ever been given. I have seen "issues" all my life and I have always been a solution finder. In fact I was often amazed at the power many people would give to others over their lives. When a person would tell me of how frustrated they were that so and so did this or acted a certain way. I would see people become overly outraged that someone else made a statement they disagreed with and my thought was simply why are you so caught up in it when you can choose to just not accept it if you do not like it. The focus on negative energy always creates negative energy. The focus on Positive energy always creates the same.

It was easy for me to see when others were allowing the conflicts "they chose" to rule their lives but it was not always as easy for me to see when I allowed them to do the same thing to me. As I was thinking about monopoly this morning it reminded me that the focus of this life is not how much we accumulate or purchase. Life is a game to be played and understood because it is simply about understanding ourselves and those who are playing the game with us. It is about being aware of what you want to be and what you want to change in you and in the world. The more we focus on blaming and pointing the less time is spent understanding ourselves and the responsibilities we have. 

I recently told an audience I was speaking to that as I look back on my childhood I can remember distinct chapters in my life. Ask me about when I was 6 years old and very real pictures come to mind about where I lived, how I looked and certain events in that year. The same would hold true for when I was seven years old, eight, nine and so on. I think most people can relate to this idea that if their life was broken down by years in chapters we could literally read the story of our lives. The challenge we often face is that when we reach adulthood there is a routine we often slip into. A pattern that hold less excitement than that we held as children seeking Life. It seems as if the story becomes repetitive and that is our biggest challenge of all. Can you imagine reading a book and chapter after chapter that was full of something new and challenging just like it was when we grew up. Imagine that after reading many of the chapters you came to one in the book that was exactly the same as the chapter you had just read. Immediately you would think it was a typo and as you turn to the next chapter to continue it would be really odd if it was the exact same as the previous two chapters. In fact you would most likely stop reading the book at that moment and who could blame you. Our job is to make sure that this book which is our Life remains fresh and new for all of the days we live. Not falling into routine and existence to repeat the same story year after year after year. 

Our Life is not about overhead or bills, obstacles or complaining, it is about being dedicated to learning, growing and giving to others with everything we have. To lose sight of this fact even for a moment is to start repeating the chapters of our life in an endless circle. The difference in every business owners life is not overhead but rather outlook. The way we follow through each day on the opportunities we have will always create or dismantle future opportunities. The way we appreciate each day will always give us more or give us less. The way we care for others will allow us more great relationships in life or less. Our business is simply a reflection of who we are. In fact our LIFE is simply a reflection of who we are and who we choose to be. If we want our overhead to be in check it is about us doing the things we know we left undone today.

Choose well and be thankful!

Deepak Chopra Shares "How to Handle Difficult People"

How to Handle Difficult People

August 22, 2013 

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The path to success can be derailed by clashes with difficult people, and even if the clash isn't disastrous, it can make your life very unpleasant. Everyone has a store of coping mechanisms that we resort to when we find ourselves in stressful situations. Difficult people force us to fall back on our coping mechanisms. Some of us placate, others confront. Some balk, others become aggressive. When these first-response tactics don't work, when a difficult person makes you tear your hair out in total frustration, you have to dig deeper into yourself and find a better strategy.

First of all, not every difficult person is the same. There are tyrants, curmudgeons, aggressors, the viciously competitive, and control freaks. A psychologist can outline how each beast might be tamed, but on a day-to-day basis, one can adopt a general approach that's the same. It's quite a simple strategy, actually, based on asking three questions.

1. Can I change the situation?

2. Do I have to put up with it instead?

3. Should I just walk away?

When you ask these questions in a rational frame of mind, you will be able to formulate a workable approach that is consistent and effective. Most people are prisoners of inconsistency. Think about the most difficult person in your life and how you have reacted to them over time. You'll probably find that you sometimes put up with them, sometimes try to get them to change, and other times simply want to stay away. In other words, three tactics have merged in a messy way. You wind up sending mixed messages, and that's never effective.

So let's consider each of the three questions in turn.

1. Can I change the situation?

Not all difficult people are beyond change, even though they are stubborn and stuck in their behavior. But there's a cardinal rule here that can't be ignored. No one changes unless he wants to. Difficult people rarely want to. If you have a close rapport with the person, you might find a moment when you can sit down and have a candid discussion about the things that frustrate you. But be prepared with an exit strategy, because if your difficult person winds up resenting you for poking your nose where it doesn't belong, trying to effect change can seriously backfire.

Your best chance of creating change occurs if the following things are present.

- You have a personal connection with the person.

- You have earned his respect.

- You've discreetly tested the waters and found her a bit open to change.

- You've received signals that he wants to change.

- You aren't afraid or intimidated.

- The two of you are fairly equal in power. If the difficult person is in a dominant position, such as being your boss, your status is too imbalanced.

A final caveat. Difficult people aren't going to change just to make you feel better. The worst chance of getting someone else to change occurs when you're so angry, frustrated, and fed up that you lose your composure and demand change.

2. Do I have to put up with it instead?

When you can't change a situation, only two options remain, either put up with it or walk away. Most of us aren't very effective in getting someone else to change, so we adapt in various ways. We are experts at putting up with things. Adaptation isn't bad per se; social life depends upon getting along with one another. It's a reasonable assumption that if you have difficult people in your life right now - and who doesn't? - you've learned to adapt. The real question is whether you are coping in a healthy or unhealthy way.

Look at the following lists and honestly ask yourself how well you are putting up with your difficult person.

Unhealthy:

- I keep quiet and let them have their way. It's not worth fighting over.

- I complain behind their backs.

- I shut down emotionally.

- I don't say what I really mean half the time, for fear of getting into trouble or losing control.

- I subtly signal my disapproval.

- I engage in endless arguments that no one wins.

- I have symptoms of stress (headache, knots in the stomach, insomnia, depression, and anxiety) but have decided to grin and bear it.

- I know i want to get out of this situation, but I keep convincing myself that I have to stick it out.

- I indulge in fantasies of revenge.

Healthy -

- I assess what works best for me and avoid what doesn't.

- I approach the difficult person as rationally as possible.

- I don't get into emotional drama with them.

- I make sure I am respected by them. I keep my dignity.

- I can see the insecurity that lies beneath the surface of their bad behavior.

- I don't dwell on their behavior. I don't complain behind their backs or lose sleep.

- I keep away from anyone who can't handle the situation, the perpetual complainers, gossips, and connivers.

- My interaction with the difficult person has no hidden agenda, like revenge. We are here for mutual benefit, not psychodrama.

- I know I can walk away whenever I have to, so I don't feel trapped.

- I can laugh behind this person's back. I'm not intimidated or afraid.

- I feel genuine respect and admiration for what's good in this person.

If your approach contains too many unhealthy ingredients, you shouldn't stick around. You're just rationalizing a hopeless situation. Your relationship with your difficult person isn't productive for either of you.

3. Should I just walk away?

Difficult people generally wind up alone, embattled, and bitter. They create too much stress, and one by one, everyone in their lives walks away. But it can take an agonizingly long time to make this decision. The problem is attachment. The abused wife who can't leave her violent husband, the worker who is afraid he can't find another job, the underling who serves as a doormat for his boss - in almost every instance their reason for staying is emotional. Life isn't meant to be clinically rational. Emotions are a rich part of our lives, and it's mature to take the bitter with the sweet - up to a point.

Too many people stick around when they shouldn't. The main exceptions are competitive types, who can't bear to be dominated or made to look bad. They instinctively run away from situations that hurt their self-image. The other main personality types - dependent and controlling - will put up with a bad situation for a long time, far beyond what's healthy. The point, in practical terms, is that you can't wait until you've resolved all your issues with a difficult spouse, boss, boyfriend, buddy, colleague, or employee. Vacillation doesn't make you a better or nicer person. You are treading water, hoping that the dreaded day will never come when you have to sever ties. The thought of separation causes you anxiety.

But as anxious as you feel, sometimes a rupture is the healthiest thing you can do. That’s the case if you have honestly confronted questions 1 and 2. If you know the difficult person isn't going to change, and if you've examined the unhealthy and healthy choices involved in putting up with them, you have a good foundation for making the right choice: Do I stay or do I walk? I'm not promising that your decision will feel nice. It probably won't. But it will be the right decision, the kind you will be able to look back on with a sigh of relief and recognition that moving on was healthy and productive.

More, More, More

Good Afternoon,

I just gave a teleconference today on the topic "Is it a Sacrifice, to train to be better in life". 

We hold trainings in our company every Tuesday to rehearse situations, explore ideas, review progress and return to motivations. During these trainings we also have teleconferences like the one today.

The two greatest desires I had of this training were too focus on the simplicity of reaching our goals and the services we should be using our freedoms to create. It often feels that no matter how much we strive to accomplish something, a goal, an award, reward, recognition etc.. the greater the satisfaction we all desire, seems to elude us. Is it possible that our greatest reward is not in the destination but the journey?? Is it also possible that when the goal is solely self serving that it still leaves us with void?

 I have had a lot of opportunity to experience travels abroad with friends and see first hand the differences in our American cultures and focus verses other international cultures. It has made me really think hard about the reasoning behind the American ways of acquisition and accomplishment. In the call I did today I spoke of the one time British Empire and the mindset they once held on World domination. The United Kingdom controlled almost as much as 70% of the entire planet at one time. It amazes me to think that 3 small islands in northwestern Europe would even have the desire to stretch themselves this far, much less actually accomplish it. In America we established our independence from "tyranny" of the british crown and King George in 1776. It was with great distaste that we rebelled against over taxation and domination from a foreign land. This all makes great sense to me but what did not make great sense is why we would have done exactly the same thing to other nations once we found our ability to be strong?

It was almost like the abused child who grows up to be the abuser. It seems as if the abused would not want to ever repeat the wrong they had experienced but instead there is some impression made on the human mind that this is way it is just supposed to be. In the call today I explored just a few of the over reaching abuses that the United States embarked upon over history; The Philipino-American War, Hawaiian Government overthrown and Islands stolen, Native Americans slaughtered for the land they possessed, Slavery's abuse of an entire race and that list goes on, unfortunately.

These recognitions are not against my home nation but rather to understand what impression has been created on all of us who call ourselves Americans. There has been an attitude to conquer and acquire as much as possible and I think it is evident in many of the ways we still live today. I was thinking of a friend of mine whom I have visited in his home in Europe. His father is a political representative with high position in their country's government and holds over 30 years of tenure with their parliament. I have stayed in their home, had dinner with them several times and spent time on their boat in the mediterranean. This man of politics would be the equivalent of the United States Speaker of the house. As I thought of his prominent position I began to compare it to the way we see high political office in the United States. I thought of the simplicity of this mans home which was very nice but very modest. Do not get me wrong the home and gardens were very welcoming but there an obvious absence of the grandeur and extravagance we often associate with the same man of position in the USA.  The entire home was 4 levels with about 2400 square feet or 600 sq. feet per level. The first floor was the entry, the laundry, the mud room and some indoor storage beside the garage. The next floor was the Living room, The kitchen and the dining room all on level 2 (about 600 sq. feet). The third level was an office and the master bedroom and bath. The top floor was two bedrooms and a bathroom. 

The reason I listed all of this out was because it hit me that this very accomplished European man of politics for over 30 years, resided in 1800 sq. feet of livable space. In the United States we see so many people who continue building and expanding their home to use every last dime they possess. Living paycheck to paycheck because enough is never enough. In the last 40 years the average home size in America has grown by over 50% in square footage alone. This does not begin to touch on the upgraded conveniences we now take for granted as compared to those in homes of 1970. There is an attitude that our society has fallen into of "it's never enough". I want to become aware of the origination of this syndrome so I can understand the challenges we have as our responsibility with over working, healthcare, depression, obesity, anxiety and the list goes on! 

Do you think that there could be any connection??

I am absolutely 100% in favor of a free democracy. I am a fervent believer in capitalism and the right of each individual to work hard and succeed. What I am less confident in is the ability of most people to know when they have reached great accomplishment and celebrate it. I am also unsure that as a civilization we know the reasoning for doing all that we do with our lives and talents or how to truly serve others. 

I have spent a lot of time examining the European approach to holidays. I used to think that there must be some form of insanity when everyone just takes an entire month off each summer. How do they pay their bills? Is this not irresponsible?? I was speaking to the owner of a small boutique hotel in Paris and she told me to come back to visit Paris in August because 90% of the Parisians would be gone on vacation and the city has a different flavor. There are many businesses still open in the tourism areas because the capitalism we enjoy in the USA certainly has its flavor in the larger cities of Europe as well. There are many more businesses who simply enjoy the month of August in absentia with their families and resting to be better versions of themselves when they return. I now am understanding that if 90% of my customers are gone on vacation then what obvious choice would I have but to go on vacation as well?? I think the question of who is insane might have to be thought over.

Even during the rest of the calendar year I see a greater celebration of life and a pace that takes time to stop for a cafe or to read in the park. These things may stand out to me so much because I have spent my life planning and reaching goals for the reasons I thought I should but this now causes me to question. Is there a different approach? I am not one to throw all I have away and hike the himalaya's for my inner search, although it does not sound too bad at the right time of year. ;-) Instead I am one who is considering looking at myself a little harder to determine why I am doing what I am doing. How does the product of my work each and every day serve to make other people and the world around them a better place? This is the search that has become too distant for all countries and cultures. I see the hurried pace to get to each goal but do we consider why we are striving and for what purpose?

Our lives are short relative to the span of world existence and the future to come. In order to be responsible with the energy I have I want to learn where to give of it and make the most impact on other people. I have a chance to use my freedoms of choice and not whine and complain to get more but instead look and discover how to give more. As a student of history and how different cultures were created it is telling to me in every instance how service and giving creates a long lasting platform for the greater good. At the same time cultures that were controlled by or rooted in self gratification always come to an end. It is each and every individuals right to choose and each ones responsibility to choose well. 

Developing a life that was worth living is simply choosing to search out our values and then behaving with integrity regarding those choices. Our Health, Our commitments, Our opportunities are all about doing what we say we will and then doing it. Find a reason beyond you to live your life today and then be amazed at the ability you have to actually make it happen.

"We don't give to get, but all receiving begins with giving"

"Your level of integrity is the level of congruency between your values and your behaviors."

What motivates Us?

I saw this video today and the 10 minutes it took to watch it were so powerful in reminding me not only why I choose to do what I do each day, it also reminded me of why so many others face the struggles they face in life. What's missing for so many? What motivates us to be better?

I had a debate one time with a friend many years ago about the worth of money in motivation of people. I told him that my belief was that we all want, or think what we want is more of it but we soon find out, as we achieve more of it, there is not very much it does to fill the void so many have in their lives.

I used this following example with him as I have with so many others in the past regarding this topic. I said to him if I offer the waiter, who was working at the beach we were hanging out on, a job for one million dollars per year would the guy jump at it? We both agreed that he would but we both disagreed for how long he would keep it or if it would make him happy. I asked the young guy when he came up to play along with us in a hypothetical situation and he agreed. I said to him I would like to offer you a job that pays one million dollars per year and this is what you must do... I have set up an office with a chair and a desk for you. It would be your job to go to that room everyday at 8am and remain there until lunch doing absolutely nothing. No contact with others just sitting quietly behind that desk until lunch and then returning after lunch to sit there doing nothing, no writing, no phone, no computer just being in solitude until 6pm then go home and return the next day to repeat. I asked would you be interested? and How long would you last? That guys answer was one year. I have heard 3 months on the short end, I have had some people tell me I am not interested, the longest period I have heard was actually one year.

It seems that whatever amount of money many think they may need in life to get started on their actual dreams is equated into time and that is the amount of time they are willing to endure the job described. If they think they need three hundred thousand dollars then 4 months is the time they say they would take the job for. If they think they need a million then they will say one year. I would argue that not very many human beings could allow themselves to waste away each day by choice, doing nothing except obtaining a paycheck, no matter the size, for very long at all.

There is something within every human being that drives us to create, to become great at something and to fulfill our purpose. Unfortunately society has taught so many people to get on the spinning wheel of life and the reason we do is because we must, "its your responsibility". This is the beginning of the end. To buy into that theory alone results in a lapse of heart and will. That same heart and will are the purpose which have created many of the greatest accomplishments we have all been blessed with in every day life.

Watch this following video and determine your 3 things and how active they are in your life. Every one of us is worth way more than a Million a year but it all comes down to us tapping into the power which would provide the world around us with our talents in order to exchange for it's rewards......

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u6XAPnuFjJc

The Paradox of our Time

We have taller buildings but shorter tempers; wider freeways but narrower viewpoints; we spend more but have less; we buy more but enjoy it less; we have bigger houses and smaller families; more conveniences, yet less time; we have more degrees but less sense; more knowledge but less judgment; more experts, yet more problems; we have more gadgets but less satisfaction; more medicine, yet less wellness; we take more vitamins but see fewer results. We drink too much; smoke too much; spend too recklessly; laugh too little; drive too fast; get too angry; stay up too late; get up too tired; read too seldom; watch TV too much and pray too seldom.
We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values; we fly in faster planes to arrive there quicker, to do less and return sooner; we sign more contracts only to realize fewer profits; we talk too much; love too seldom and lie too often. We've learned how to make a living, but not a life; we've added years to life, not life to years. We've been all the way to the moon and back, but have trouble crossing the street to meet the new neighbor. We've conquered outer space, but not inner space; we've done larger things, but not better things; we've cleaned up the air, but polluted the soul; we've split the atom, but not our prejudice; we write more, but learn less; plan more, but accomplish less; we make faster planes, but longer lines; we learned to rush, but not to wait; we have more weapons, but less peace; higher incomes, but lower morals; more parties, but less fun; more food, but less appeasement; more acquaintances, but fewer friends; more effort, but less success. We build more computers to hold more information, to produce more copies than ever, but have less communication; drive smaller cars that have bigger problems; build larger factories that produce less. We've become long on quantity, but short on quality.
These are the times of fast foods and slow digestion; tall men, but short character; steep in profits, but shallow relationships. These are the times of world peace, but domestic warfare; more leisure and less fun; higher postage, but slower mail; more kinds of food, but less nutrition. These are the days of two incomes, but more divorces; these quick trips, disposable diapers, cartridge living, throw-away morality, one-night stands, overweight bodies and pills that do everything from cheer, to prevent, quiet or kill. It is a time when there is much in the show window and nothing in the stock room. - Dr. Bob Moorhead

It is time for us to Choose what we want for our lives to represent so make today count