On a Small Piece of Land...

I had an opportunity recently to have my eyes opened to a new insight in what I felt to be a most unlikely setting. I am sure many of you have been there before where you are just cruising along doing what you think you should be doing or what you want to be doing and then all of sudden, it hits you like a big smack in the face. "Really I did not see this coming?" Even afterwards you feel a little dumbfounded that you did not see the signs but here you are anyways a little stunned from the impact. 

It was about 16 -17 years ago I started working with Chiropractors in a practice management company. It was a company that was focused on helping Doctors improve their business communication, systems and performance skills in order to create better results on the bottom line. 

There were several different people who worked within the practice management company to serve the clients we had. There were marketing and graphic design people to help raise the level of professionalism in advertising. There were performance review and analyzing numbers people to focus attention on the right areas of need in a business. There were organizational team members who kept the ship running and everyone communicating well. Education and communication was also a major focus area on how to educate our clients in educating their patients by teaching better talking points and practicing those tactics regularly. 

We would meet up with all our clients four times per year at some major training event in a different city each time in order to create the "executive experience" and hold what we called roundtable sessions. During those events we would have incredible speakers from all over the business community. Robert Kyosaki, John Miller, Michael Gerber, Robin Sharma and the list would go on with some really great teachers for us to learn from. In between these "Roundtable" events which we would hold every 3 months we would also create call schedules and teleconferences that helped us keep our clients on track, growing their business and improving their systems. "If I knew then what I know now" is the first expression that comes to my mind. In our continuing effort to improve performance we were always working on systems and procedures and how to share them better. We were so busy "Doing" all the time we were often not very aware of the idea of "Being". 

The majority of civilization is constantly focused on "Doing" more, creating more, accomplishing more and all of those items can be great things but not at the cost of knowing how to become more or knowing how to remember to focus on "Being"more. It is a tough thing to remember how to stop and focus on whats around us in each situation and what we are supposed to be learning from it. If our temporary life on this earth is simply a compilation of our knowledge and experiences that build the energy within us to give to others; then why do we not stop more often to realize the impact each situation is trying to develop in us? There is an entire book on this subject, no actually there is an entire library that could be filled on this subject alone. Recognizing the opportunity in every feeling and every circumstance we experience in life. It is these take aways that build who we choose to become and the way we are able to lead and give to others around us. 

In this business group we worked with, this awareness was almost undetectable. We all worked very hard on "Doing" but the idea of "Being" was so rarely addressed because it was not at our collective conscious level as a group. More, More, More could have been our mantra and many were finding that on a financial or superficial levels. It is since that time I have learned that sustaining more only comes from shifting my focus to what I do and who it serves and the better I become at the shift of focus in a correct direction, more seems to be the natural outcome. 

"I wish I had", "I need more Money", "I need more time", "Poor me", "When will I get a break?", "No one understands""they took advantage of me"

These are just a few of the never ending phrases we have all used and hear regularly in the world around us and each one of them points the individual user into the wrong direction. When falling into the ongoing and prevalent trap of self indulged focus we are less motivated to become something great, truly worth rewarding. The more we can locate a purpose for giving aid and helping others, the more self sacrifice is needed and eventually it leads to less focus on self. 

This is where two of my favorite all time quotes come to mind each time I study this subject. 

"You can have anything you want if you can help enough other people get what they want" by Zig Ziglar 

and the other is"We do not give to get but ALL receiving begins with giving" by Jim Rohn. 

What are you giving today? What is your focus placed upon to make change for others? Are you just trusting that you will be taken care of in the process?

It is often a very difficult situation to contemplate but I have found after working with thousands of people it is the only way to find true significance and peace in the journey. Every battle with EGO and more, more, more leads me back to frustration. The focus on appreciation for what I currently have and how I can make a change in the world, with the opportunities of today, gives incredible peace, self worth and reward even when you were not looking for it. 

In the group I mentioned earlier there were many foundational blocks laid which allowed me to work on the "Doing" and prepare me for the eventual"Being". One of the most critical foundation blocks was the relationships built at that time in my life. Many of the relationships I have today and value the most all began within that group. There were a few of us who just naturally attracted to each other and held on to the relationships well beyond what existed within that temporary search and connection. (Every situation and opportunity is a temporary search for learning by the way) 

One of those relationships was with a guy named Dav Neubauer (Norwegian spelling for Dave) who was on the team with me as an educational and communication coach. He was an easy guy to like and know, at least most of the time, and as we traveled we began to know each other better. It was not long after I first met Dav that I was also introduced to his entire family, he was married to Carrie and they had 3 small children at the time Cole, Ross and Annie. We all met on one of these business trips to Cancun with the rest of our colleagues traveling together. As Dav and I  hung out together we had some good discussions and for whatever reasons, unknown at the time, we started to hang out a little bit more and communicate with each other often in the course of daily work. 

Dav used to also host Doctors in his home town for a period of 3-4 days in between our meetings for what he called "Boot Camps". In these sessions he would do what we were doing at other times in Cancun, Ottawa, Scottsdale or many other cities. He would lock down for a few days and focus on how to raise the level of intent that each Doctor used in sharing their principles and beliefs. These "Boot camps" would be full of mechanics like scripting and practices to be better communicators. The sessions would be filmed and critiqued to increase performance for each Doctor in attendance hoping to raise the level of impact so that when they returned home it would increase performance in their businesses. 

All of these systems, ideas and training sessions made complete sense but what made little sense to me is the location he chose to hold these events in. There are a lot of cities in the North American continent and I have been fortunate enough to visit a large number of them. I have logged over 2.5 million air miles in my life and it has taught me a few things about which cities are easier and which are more difficult to host events such as these in. There are some cities that just have fewer air routes and therefore cost more money to fly into and some have less time options as a result. There are cities that have more hotels and that makes it easier on you to offer better pricing because of supply and demand availability. The education in this field of hosting corporate events is something I have found hard to explain to people who have never really traveled extensively and set the events up but some places just make more sense. The Location for Boot Camp that Dav chose was to fly into Minneapolis and travel about 1.5 hours west to a town called Bird Island Minnesota, Population of 1200 at that time. This did not seem like the likely place to host a training event that people would be asked to travel to from all over the country but it was his choice. 

As time went on I came to realize that he chose this town because it was his hometown. He had built a very successful practice in this small town serving patients when he was a practicing chiropractor. That practice had grown to a point where he was seeing 2000 patient visits per month in a very rural setting. The growth he had experienced was directly related to the way he learned to communicate and now he was teaching others what he had learned to do. As I would visit his home town of "Bird Island" Minnesota I would learn more and more about him and his family. He grew up on a farm less than a mile across the pasture from where his new home now stood. After building his practice to a successful level he eventually sold it and began to search for other things to do with his skills. When he was newly married to his high school girlfriend they lived in San Diego for a period of time while he was studying. They found great pleasure in the warmth of Southern California but only to return to Minnesota because his Dad a local 2nd generation Minnesota farmer had asked him to come back and serve their hometown not long before his father passed away. After many years in practice in a Minnesota farm town and after selling that business he had built from scratch he decided to move his family to Arizona and test out the sun filled lifestyle once again, only to return to the draw of Minnesota a year later to be close to the family that was missed.

Here we are in the most unlikely place to host training events and the question I would ask is; Why Here?

Dav was one of 7 children and the 5th in line of age. As I Look back now I realize how fortunate I was to visit that town as often as I did. I learned something there that I am still learning to this day. As I got to know him and his relatives I began to see the entire dynamic of a large family which I was not exposed to growing up. I saw that there were 7 kids who grew up in a small farmhouse that was located on a farm shared by their Dad, Jerry and their uncle Don. Jerry and Don had both inherited the land from their father before them and worked side by side their entire lives. These 2 brothers had grown up in Bird Island Minnesota and attended St. Mary's High School located right next door to St. Mary's parish. Jerry (Dav's father) had met and married a girl named Gloria Bohm in 1949 in St. Mary's parish. Gloria just like Jerry was also a graduate of St. Mary's high School class of 1948 and her family had moved there from Farmington when she was a junior in high school. After being married they settled onto the Neubauer family farm and started building a life that most of the world was completely unaware of. 

I have visited this farmhouse many times over the years including the very first visit I ever made to Bird Island when Dav was insistent I go out to the farm and meet his mom. I was immediately greeted with a smile and a "nice to meet ya" I was amazed as I went through the 150 year old farmhouse with one bathroom that a family with 7 kids could fit here! Dav and his mom showed me the rooms in the carved out attic of the house and showed me who slept where and in which beds. I remember being fascinated that it was even possible from that very first visit. I did not know all of the family yet but Dav and his mom Gloria were showing me the space that each one of them grew up in as they told me stories about their family. I did not know how these first thoughts would build in my mind to the point of what I see today but here it goes. Each time I visited Dav and the Neubauer family I would meet a few more of them and get to know them a little bit more. Some I would see more often than others but they were all in pretty close proximity to the original farmhouse so it was pretty likely you would meet them if you visited Bird Island. I never knew Dav's dad because he had passed away in 1985 when Dav was only 24 and Gloria was only 54. 

This past week I flew to Minnesota once again to visit Bird Island because Gloria Neubauer had passed away peacefully in her sleep at the age of 84. I flew there to be with friends and support them during an incredible loss in their lives. As I arrived in Bird Island on Sunday night at St. Mary's parish, I went to get in the receiving line which was over an hour and a half long to express condolences to the family. After waiting for a while I was pulled out of the line by Dav's son Ross and his Cousin Sean whom I have close relationships with. I walked up to the front of the church and just waited until I was able to say hi to Dav and Carrie who were shaking hands with all of the people who had come to pay respect to Gloria. That night I stayed at Dav's Bird Island house with his family and many of his nephews came over to hang out and catch up. Over these past 16 - 17 years I have had the chance to know many of Dav's relatives through fishing trips, holidays spent together, experiences shared and many trips to Minnesota. A few of us hung out that night and caught up on what was going on in life and then after much conversation we went to bed pretty late.

I woke up the next morning to take a walk around the town of Bird Island and as your imagination has probably gathered it was not as long a walk as I was wanting that morning due to the size of town. It did allow me to process some thoughts and prepare myself to learn through the experiences that would take place that day, even though I did not see it coming. I got back to Dav's house to get ready for Gloria's funeral service and felt a little under dressed that morning due to the fact I was traveling when I received news of her passing and all my suits were at home. After getting to the church and awaiting the service to begin, I sat down with some friends who were not in the family. I watched as the family again thanked everyone for coming to the services that day. Once the procession began the family came in together to be seated in the first few rows of St. Mary's parish. Gloria's entire family came in; 7 children with 7 spouses, 22 Grandchildren most with spouses and 22 great grand children. You can do the quick math and realize that there were about 80 people in the first few rows of the service known as the Neubauer family. 

As I looked around the church I was not sure how many people St. Mary's would hold but it looked to me as if there were 5 times as many people in the rest of the church as there were in the family rows. At this time my mind started racing from all of the photos I had seen of Gloria's life scattered about the service. I was aware that she had gone to high school next door and been married in this same place I was sitting. She only lived just down the street on the farm where she had been a "farmers wife" and a mom to 7 kids. I read in the bulletin that talked about her volunteer service for 65 years in 4H, the choir, religious education instructor, hospice volunteer, St. mary's school board. I kept reading and on the back page of one of the bulletins handed out were a list of "Gloria-isms" that she was well known for always saying. "Be there", 'Love ya Kiddo", "Always do your best", "Do you have enough money?""Can I make you a ham sandwich?", "As long as you are happy, I'll support you", "Whatever..Cry me a river and then build me a bridge to get over it" and many more. 

I started thinking about how many incredibly talented lives she had blessed this earth with. How many incredible families she had literally given birth to. I thought about the fact that for 30 years she was the matriarch who held her family together even after she lost her husband and partner in life. Even from an outsiders perspective I was fully aware that Neubauer Christmas took place on Christmas eve with Grandma Gloria. I was also fully aware just like everyone in her family that 4th of July was her birthday and it was a day for the Neubauer family to be together and celebrate this firecracker of a woman. 

It became so obvious to me sitting in that church of what she had built from her dreams and visions of giving to people and then teaching those same people to live their lives in that manner. On a small piece of land in the middle of Minnesota she had created an empire to change the world and she is still guiding it every day. She guides it through the words she repeated so often, she guides it through the memories of how she faced adversity, she guides it through the energy she taught others to walk in and she leaves the responsibility to 80 more people to do the same with their lives.

At the grave side service just after we left the church I noticed that the headstone next to hers read Gerald Neubauer "Farmer". I then looked at her headstone and it read Gloria Neubauer "Farmers Wife". On a Small piece of land in the middle of Minnesota, greatness was built and I began to understand that we all will end up on a small piece of land someday but it's what each of us choose to do with what we have been given now that truly makes the difference others need.

I looked at the bulletin once again that we had been given that day and I found a letter from Gloria Neubauer written to her children in the last days of her life and it read;

Dear Family,

Sometimes it's hard to convey your feelings to the people you love.

Looking back on my life, there isn't a lot of accomplishment to put on

my account, but this is the time to tell each of you what a wonderful

feeling I feel when someone speaks your name.

Thank you from the bottom of my heart for belonging to me.

Mom

In that church that day I realized what incredible magnificence was the person I had seen so many times. Someone who was so dedicated to "Being" the best at what she had put her hand to that she had created something really great. People from many places had come to honor her in a service that any human being would be proud to have as recognition of a life well lived. I am thankful today for having the chance to know someone who was so great at what she did and yet I feel a little foolish for not always knowing how to recognize it each and every time I saw her. Thank you Gloria Neubauer for what you gave the world and many relationships that are very dear to me. You had many more accomplishments on your list than you will ever realize!

Cultural Responsibility begins with ME

What causes me to succeed beyond me?

We all have talents and corresponding areas to each talent that can be challenging. An example is "the driven goal setter" there are so many things can be said and praised for an individual who knows how to get things done and reach new goals. The challenge this personality often faces is finding an appreciation for life and the peace we all are looking for within ourselves. Another example is "the incredible communicator" who loves people and loves spending time with people. This type of an individual is usually a great encourager and pleasant to have around but they often seem to skip over the push and confrontation it often takes to move forward in accomplishing goals they may have at being able to change the world around them.

Understanding and refining our talents as individuals is always the first step to making change in our world. The second step is asking the question of how we can align and connect our talents to the talents of others around us. It is in the connection of two or more that the power to create is amplified and most enjoyable. 

Again what causes me to succeed beyond me?

This is a question that makes me think of Stephen Covey and his best selling book "7 habits of highly effective People". If you have ever taken the time to read his book you will find it is full of incredible truths that can and will make a difference in the person you choose to be if you digest them. He outlines the following 7 principles to creating successful individuals;

BE PROACTIVE

BEGIN WITH THE END IN MIND

PUT FIRST THINGS FIRST

THINK WIN-WIN

SEEK FIRST TO UNDERSTAND, THEN TO BE UNDERSTOOD

SYNERGIZE

SHARPEN THE SAW

As I study each of the areas above they are daily reminders of what I need to do with the opportunities I am given. It starts with me learning to be a more diligent individual who has priorities correct in my life. I could easily spend a lot of time and words addressing each of the items above but since Covey has already done just that I will look at a different direction today. It was a little while back located in my blog that I wrote a piece called "Conduit to Greatness or Mediocrity" although these choices in the title are opposite planes and my hope is that everyone chooses the right one, it is always going to be a choice we face in every area of our life. 

Am I willing to do what it takes to be a great person, employee, employer, parent, child and every other task we take on in life. In the article I focused on the foundation we decide upon each and every day when we awake. It still amazes me how many days in my life that I have lived just getting up and going at the next task on the list. It was always a hope that I had enough sleep, that my energy was correct and that the world was aligned so that my subsequent day would be what I hoped for. Often it did not work out that way.

As time has passed I have learned that it was always completely in my control to set the stage and make the choices and create the best possibility for every day simply by starting my day with an Interval 1. This is the first part of the day that is centered on me growing through mindset, calming my expectations and exercise. I listen to many teachers and books in the morning of each day so that I know that the knowledge I will live that specific day in is greater than the knowledge of the previous day. I can now understand the compounding effect of that choice to get up and start every day in this space is extremely empowering. Interval 1 is the foundation of the structured day we are all building each and every day of this life. Interval 2 is the space where we use our developing talent to work at having our impact on the world. Sometimes this is called work, sometimes its called taking care of family and home. In other times it may be charity or giving but it is the space in which you use the natural and developed talents to keep facing new things which challenge us to become greater. The last interval is the space where we understand at a deeper level to share in the relationships we value. Family, friends and learning to appreciate the moments of celebrating a day well lived. There is much again to be said on these topics but since they were  studied in my previous piece, I encourage you to read it for further understanding.

Click here to reach that article;

http://teachmehowtoduggy-briansblog.blogspot.com/2013/11/conduit-to-greatness-or-mediocre.html

Today I want to think about the culture we are choosing to build and be a part of. I cannot help but think of how incredibly powerful it is to be surrounded by people who are encouraging and looking for ways to succeed. It lifts me and drives me to want to be better and create more. I am certain that every person reading this has had the same type of euphoric feeling that I do when surrounded by a group of people who are excited to be better than they were yesterday. The obverse is also just as true, when we are constantly choosing to be a part of a culture that drifts towards negativity or even apathy it is incredibly disabling. This is the real focus of todays writing is how to become a cultural developer instead of a cultural casualty. 

In Stephen Coveys follow up book the 8th habit he addresses many of the items that cause us to go beyond ourselves and our personal disciplines. It is a book that leads us to understand the necessity of a culture larger than myself. I am only as big as my talents and weaknesses when I try to control all, take charge of all or block the need for a culture much larger than me taking place in my life. I am and always have been a part of something much bigger than me but my EGO is constantly centering on how I get credit, how I make my mark and how do I gain praise for being great? 

All of these questions are firmly centered in EGO but the real problem is that if these items are in our lives they leave no room for a culture. EGO is said to stand for the acronym of Edge God Out which simply means that seeking out our own recognition and reward is at best a temporary road to success. It can still help us to find some success and I have worked with many people including myself who have found recognition through EGO. The challenge is that when I center all of my quest for success on me it means that all I am doing lives and dies with the 7 habits. As good as I am is as good as I will be when it begins and ends with a search that is centered on myself. Very often it sounds good on paper to not be centered on yourself but it is a very sneaky subject that we often do not realize is controlling our actions and our outcomes.

Simply ask and answer yourself honestly on the following question; 

Why do I want to succeed and who I am doing it for? 

Is it for self esteem ? 

Is it for the reward? 

Is it for personal safety? 

Is it primarily for anyone other than me?

All of the things I mention above are enjoyed things but they should not be the focus. I personally desire to have self esteem, reward and safety but what I see now more than ever before is that those are simply the absolute occurrences when you are doing what you do for the right reasons.

"I want to succeed at the opportunity to make a change in the lives of those around me."

Below is a list of key elements in the 8th habit and I ask you to pause and read them slowly thinking of how each topic relates to the people you are joined to in your life prior to considering yourself in each line. After you have centered the thought on others first then join in by seeing yourself as part of each of these concepts with others. By removing your EGO in this manner you will for a moment have the certainty of the feeling that you are a part of something larger than self and this is where true success really lives.

THE 8TH HABIT^®: FROM EFFECTIVENESS TO GREATNESS

Topics Include:

• Searching for Meaning (OUR search ..)
• Taking Charge (WE can to help whom..)
• Starting Within (WE can help THEM by..)
• Creating the Dream (OUR dream of serving whom..)
• Teaming with Others (THEY Deserve.. )
• Overcoming Adversity (For the good of WHO...)
• Blending the Pieces (THEIR talents help to build...)

The beginning of a culture starts with our willingness to sacrifice ourselves in our own thoughts first. It is a prerequisite to sustained and lasting growth as far back and as far forward as you can imagine. Are you developing a culture centered on a group of people you have connected to who can change the world? Do you see the impact as coming from you or do you see it as something you will do and others should be supporting you in your quest. Hopefully after these few words you can already realize the failure of this mindset. Every interval 2 gives opportunity for us to interact with others and an ability we have to influence a growing culture through our thoughts and actions. 

I spoke to our company recently on the topic of culture and many of the questions I asked were ones that came to me, as I grow and consider what I desire to see created in the world around me. I am confused at times because of the challenges I see in the world we live in and knowing that it is my job to find perfection in the process of changing. The culture of separation is one that makes sure we identify mistakes, create a need for fault and blame. These are normal protections of the EGO that make sure there is always a responsibility attached when things do not happen as we think they should. I am challenged by desiring to see less blame in the culture around me and knowing that it part of the process of growth which is a huge positive.

Each and every day I am linking my life to other people and it is now more than ever before that I am realizing the power of these decisions. I can be accomplished, talented and responsible with everything I could possibly do but if my culture is still based upon EGO and focusing on challenge and blame to protect that EGO then I remain limited. 

I was having dinner recently with a group of businessmen who were all very accomplished and driven. It was simply a social gathering so there was no need for too much deep thought. The table had some power players who were well aware of the subject of EGO as I would guess that the net worth at the table was close to 2 billion dollars collectively from the individuals. One of the very accomplished individuals had been a very successful litigation attorney and had become very prosperous as a result of his driven talents. As we had dinner he made a comment that rang in my ears so loud that I had to join in. He said that he had recently been scammed on an investment from a long time friend that previously he would have considered as close as a brother. He went on to speak of how he was even questioning his own judgment and not even sure at this point if he could trust his own wife and kids. You could see it was something that had really caused him pain and my first thought was "just keep your mouth shut and eat your dinner" fortunately I could not follow that thought. I spoke up to tell him that in business and life we must often look forward to examine the potholes in the road and the possible obstacles. Doing this can easily allow us to become negatively centered but not doing it can cause us to fall into some difficult situations. I went on to say that as human beings I think we must find balance by actively choosing to always look back with appreciation for all that has occurred. This includes the friend who took advantage of you. If we do not learn to see the good in all that has already played out I am not sure why we would remain motivated to create and try to give to others"

I thought a lot afterwards about being in my sixties, like this man, someday and having plenty of wealth and afraid that those closest to me might be waiting to take advantage of me. I thought also about the impact a career of litigation might pose to my outlook and belief system if I had not chosen to focus on the positives. I also thought about how hard it was for me to remain quiet when addressing this man who had been so accomplished. I told a friend recently when sharing the story that I guess I am little afraid that if I allow that attitude to exist around me for even a dinner it might somehow take effect in the culture I am building so I spoke up.

Who and how are you choosing to link your life to culture today?

What Culture to you want to be a part of? 

Is there a greater likelihood of blame or personal responsibility in your culture?

Do you find more positives or negative focus when living out your culture?

Do you think the culture you are building is more about others or is it a group of people simply looking out for selves?

The answer to these questions hold a map for you to either steer the course or make some change in direction. My hope is now more than ever to see more and more people in our culture who get WHY they do what they do and it was never for self but rather for others and in the process of being great at building a selfless culture your rewards will be higher than you ever could have hoped for.

When your Morals and your Values align success is inevitable! What are you choosing to be focused on?  That is is your value.