I know it seems like a pretty negative headline to start with but in reality I think life is about turning all perceived negatives into positives, so here goes my shot at this one!
You have probably heard and used phrases like “I hate doing this or I hate doing those things” or “ I can’t stand my boss, job, wife, life etc…”
I have been pondering the challenges we face and what makes them so difficult to overcome. I know that all obstacles only exist within me and my perceptions. I could say it is the person I am in a relationship with that challenges me. I know that in the end it is only my willingness to face or not face the things within me that cause me to feel challenged by that person which allow a better outlook on life and others.
Have you ever had a friend or known someone who is so stuck in seeing a situation from the darkest side that it frustrates you being connected to them? I have actually laughed out loud while watching someone I knew really well work at finding a negative comment in every statement that was made for over 5 hours straight! Literally no comment could pass from anyone on this particular day without him finding a frustration within it or a negative to attach to it.
When you see that in someone or experience it in yourself it reminds me of a book called “Wherever you go there you are”. The search for finding out how to be free in life and seeing it with a positive mindset is all about the choices I make and the actions I take. When I can’t find the peace I want in a place, a situation or a person it is simply because I am trapping myself. This is the real essence of my thoughts today because as I have made substantial changes in my life, work and personal values over the past year it has caused me to really examine what type of relationships and opportunities I want to create going forward. The depth of relationships I want to have and the people I choose to commit to in them, I desire to be deeper than ever before. I know you can’t be at a completely deep level with everyone in your life or you would drop from exhaustion but the “yoga” or “working on self” you can do within relationships or within key relationships is the most difficult of all to attempt and yet the most rewarding if you can master it.
Unfortunately there a very few masters out there and I think even less individuals actually aware you can accomplish this depth. They are looking for a “feeling” or a “high” and if it feels good it is good and if not then it must not be. I think this is what leads us into dissatisfaction, lack of commitment and truthfully the highest dissatisfaction numbers ever recorded. Peoples frustrations with marriage, job, politics, society at large are often cited and as a whole we could sound like a really screwed up existence to someone who actually gets it. (ill let you examine your culture on that one)
I love studying the idea of cultures and traditions and knowing where they all come from to create what we have today. These traditions, religions and teachings often dictate our “perceived" choices. I know that was a mouthful but imagine that the culture we are born into has its own collective belief system. We grow up just thinking “thats how it is and thats how I should believe also.” If we start to really look around we will possibly notice things we may or may not agree with that exist within our culture and belief system we were born into. This creates a whole new set of personal issues and decisions to make!
Do I speak up? Do I look weird? Will I fit in? This drives me crazy others can’t see what I see? The frustrations we feel are directly tied to our ability to be free or be bound by the perceived restrictions we have in our life.
The definition of Love?… “I love doing this”…. “I love hanging out with you”…. “I love being free to choose what I want” I think all of those statements could sound attractive to each of us but what does love actually mean? I think Love needs clarification if we want to lose the frustrations we often have and express in order to love what goes on each and every day.
When I went to look up the definition of Love in Merriam Websters was based around an emotional feeling or expression as shown below but I think it is way bigger than this excerpt..…
Simple Definition of love according to Websters;
• : a feeling of strong or constant affection for a person
• : attraction that includes sexual desire : the strong affection felt by people who have a romantic relationship
• : a person you love in a romantic way
Their definition was written only on a relationship but in all areas of life this “emotional” approach still challenges me. Underneath this auspice I could be standing around hoping to have the right star align to bless me with the enjoyment of what I want in life. I think we all have the ability to fall in love with whatever or whomever we choose. I hope the stars do not just keep moving around and we are falling in and out of love with everything and everyone in our lives? It is our choice and that is what made me try to think of the components of how I would define the concept of Love so here it goes:
Love is making a Choice
Once I determine what I do or don’t want to love then I am taking back control of all circumstance in my life. If I am in a space where I do not want to be then change it but if I am in a space where I feel trapped I have to know it is only because I did not make a choice which is the first step to Love and loving whats in my life. If I want to choose to love something or someone then stop saying it and start doing it! which leads me to point number two…
Love is based on Actions
If I have actually made a conscious choice for myself to choose love or loving something, some opportunity or someone in my life then I must take action to solidify what I want to create. The power of a human being to completely reshape their life and surroundings by making up their minds is an amazing thing. Look at the evolutions of mankind and all that has been created by sheer will. Tough times? Difficult Circumstances? Overwhelming negative odds? All have been true and yet we are all unstoppable when we decide what we want and take action to create it. But Choices without an absolute “I am all in” attitude will usually leave you a long way from loving where you are or who you are sharing it with.
Love is a Feeling
Now we come full circle to Webster’s definition and although their definition was only based on relationships I think the feeling applies to everything in our lives. It is about my Job, my friends, my likes and dislikes and my closet deepest relationships. I want the feeling of exhilaration from loving whats in my life but I “love” knowing it is completely up to me. If I make a decision to be free from the obligations around me and choose what I think it is best for my life, then I must go full blast and take action and then I know the feelings come with it a an incredible result.
I want to keep working out and eating right to stay in shape but their is some work in doing these things and some sweat and some frustrations at times but I made a choice, I did not waiver or go back and forth and as I see the results I feel great! It applies in all areas of our lives it is just up to us to start using it and the frustrations will go away.
If you have now read my thoughts today thank you for taking the time and I love being able to think out loud and hopefully help others to do the same.
Enjoy The Search,
Brian
