Opening your eyes to recognize the Gifts you have already been given

I work on myself as an offering to others as not to create more suffering in the world. Ram Dass

Learning and becoming are two really big words that I can spend my whole life trying to figure out. The “learning” beyond my fears seems overwhelming at times all by itself.  Knowledge is always available to all of us. To quote George Horace Lorimer in Letters from a self made merchant to his son, “There is nothing more plentiful than a great education so every time you see the plate pass by, reach out and grab a big ole helping for yourself son.” 

I awake every morning of my life to learn more by thinking, reading, and listening to teachers. It seems that with the more I learn, the more I discover filters in me that tend to block the education. Maybe some of you out there can relate to hearing or reading something several times over to discover some passage you feel like you have never heard before? It seems that the time and place for things to be revealed is some great unknown mystery as to why we do and don’t pick different things up at times. I am learning for me it is mostly centered in my fears or unreadiness to hear something new that may challenge me. 

All of the things that went into making me who I am as I grew up; Family, location, faith, expectations, culture are all deep inside of me and at the root of my ability to learn. I think that learning is such an awesome space in life. I am excited to grow in knowledge. The task is to pick up bits and pieces of knowledge and to weave them into my belief system. At the same time I’m questioning all the things that are currently inside me to see if they still belong there as I grow and evolve. All I can say is keep trying! ;-) Keep making space to hear new words, new ideas and always challenge yourself so that education continues to find its way into creating the life long search for what you want to believe.

“The ability to entertain thought without accepting it is the sign of an educated man” Aristotle

This quote has always been another favorite of mine. I know from growing up in the good ole southern bible belt I saw a lot of people with absolute, immovable answers and no room left for discussion. I was not sure why but it was always a turn off and yet as I look back on my life I see so many times where I have adopted the same behaviors. I know now it is only my fears and my desires to be protected that create a blockage from learning new things. My affirmation today is in another quote from Ralph Waldo Emerson….

"I wish to think and say what I feel today, with the proviso that tomorrow I shall contradict it all.”

Living in the knowledge of today is all we are responsible for and holding on to that truth can make today much more rewarding. Living in the past creates regret and living in the future creates anxiety but living in the present is the only thing we can truly enjoy if we are willing to try.

“Becoming” another big word to me because once I have gone down the path of expanding my knowledge I now have to do something with it ;-) The application of my chosen direction for life is necessary for me to feel I am using my gifts well. I want to become “something” with the knowledge I am trying to obtain but what I want to become MOST is more at peace by living in today and finding the joy of the current space. As I look around I value many things about my life today. I want to focus on expanding the things I value from today because thats all I know for now. Looking at whats missing, Looking at what could happen or what needs to be done only creates the anxiety I spoke of earlier. My job is to learn and become more at peace with who I am and what I have been blessed with so far. 

In my chosen utopian belief system I do think many great things are still coming my way but I know that the best way to find them is to simply work on the gifts I have now. That’s learning to respect all that I have been given and not get caught up in the race that can so easily frustrate my ability to learn and my peace to become.

For now I will simply “work on myself as an offering to others as not to create more suffering in the world." Ram Dass

Learning peace within me and working to be a greater instrument in sharing it with others.

Enjoy the Search,

Brian

Our Fuel Economy

How to understand using the fuel in our tank..

I was watching the fuel gauge on my car the other day and I noticed one function of it a little differently than I ever have before. I have this one particular gauge that is always measuring the “economy usage” of my fuel. If I push the pedal down hard my fuel economy or best dollar for my money goes way down. If I am able to coast with applying small amounts of pressure to the gas pedal my fuel economy goes way up and I can go much further on one tank of gas. You think about car dealers advertising and they always will tell you the “city mileage” verses the “highway mileage” in order to educate us on usage . 

In side the city limits it is a constant stop and go process, Traffic lights, pedestrians, making turns, school zones all create the need for us to slow down with brakes and then speed up and then slow down to speed up again. All of this applying our foot to the gas pedal and then slowing down again causes our fuel usage to go way up even though we often are not going very far at all. When we are out on the highway it is one constant speed with very little need for pressure that keeps the car engine running and allows us to go far distances at a much lower cost per gallon of fuel used.

Okay, enough about automobiles, what does this mean to us as human beings searching for life to be more rewarding and more fruitful for the energy (gasoline) we spend in each day of our lives?

We start by learning to fuel our tanks properly before we try to go out and use it. This is probably the largest malfunction in our western society today. Thinking that just doing the items on our “to do list” will eventually lead us to some nirvana or salvation. It is the way we build ourselves up through disciplined practices of growing, learning, thinking, meditating, praying, exercising that fill the tank of energy we each possess. After we have been filled it is the way we drive our lives and use our energy that makes the difference in how far we can make it or if we ever even arrive at our intended destination/desires.

You may have heard this topic I am referring to as “block time”, “cluster booking”, “Managing commitments” but all in all it is about all of us becoming what we desire by using the energy we have most efficiently. It seems that no matter how many times I have learned this lesson in my life I always need to return to the basics because it seems to drift away again and again. 

A few steps to help cleaning up your life and using your energy more efficiently;

Make a list of Values; Know the reasons you do what you do especially for who in your life and the why in your life. This is the prerequisite for all accomplished beings to understand why they get out of bed each day. This absence will leave all of us feeling the monotony of a routine instead of the opportunity for feeling accomplished in reaching our values. 

Draw up a schedule for your week. This could be a schedule thats driven by a 9-6 job, taking care of the house, travel schedules etc.. but it is really way more important than that. The values of our lives should make us choose to do everything we do in order to help us accomplish our values. Interacting with people at any chosen “occupation” all day will give us the chance to either become what we want to be or exist within our routines. The difference between those two spaces is fully within our mindsets. The values of our personal relationships are served or harmed by the choice of “have to” all day long or “get to” all day long and that is up to each of us to decide. The contrast between being better today than yesterday at communicating with others and reaching my goals is the exact same choice of “have to” or “get to”. Who you want to become starts with choosing to be that person who “gets to” today at whatever level we can understand those concepts of choosing our attitude today. More knowledge to understand and evolve as human beings comes to us as we walk in the right choices which allow us to expand but it starts with one step. Its a choice

List the necessities you must do each week. Your tasks, your responsibilities, your chores put them all on a list on the left side of a piece of paper, no matter how long you may think it is just write them out. Start to look for an order and a grouping in your life by placing items together on the right side which create better usage of time each day. All of these items belong some place but they are only one part of the equation. The second part is to list the items you will accomplish this week which will set you a part or grow your strengths to reach your values. There are so many people around us walking through the steps of what they must get done it almost seems like it is okay to do so or be just this way, but it’s NOT!!!!

The Second list of items is about really knowing what you want to work on which helps you become who you want to be. It is about serving your values, it is about going the extra mile to building you through things we often “don’t” get done. It could be a dream which increases results at work but it’s really all about you. It could be choosing to tackle something that has been hard to face but it is really about developing you! Each day, week and even a year may come and go but it is what we decide to do with the time that sets us apart. Having a list of the things I need to get done on my checklist is important to be structured and organized but coming up with new items to challenge me and my search out each week are the source of life which turns us on.

After coming up with the items on both lists, one STATIC list (consistent tasks that need to get done) and one DYNAMIC list (Consciously chosen goals for your week which move us towards our greatest life), for each week you should start to see fresh life and fresh possibilities for what you want to accomplish when you think about what you want at this level. Start to move the things from your Static list around that work well together at certain time blocks on Monday and make a group of similar items to accomplish at those times. Do the same for Tuesdays and Wednesdays and every other day of the week. Break each day into half days and know which groups of tasks will work better on certain days as opposed to others. The static list will be very much the same week in and week out. The Dynamic list items now get plugged in and they will become centered on your high energy spots/times in the schedule and make you feel very accomplished at the end of your week.

Make the first party of every single day (early) about you being alone and growing yourself before interacting with others. If you see no room for this then make room! Get up earlier, go to bed earlier but do not EVER think you can take a trip to some place incredible without first filling up your tank. Make sure the first half of your Mondays is structured to allow you to chart the week for greatness. Monday morning meetings SUCK because they do not allow room to think and prepare a minds course for the week. Jumping into a new week and creating a rhythm for what you want takes focused energy. Having a simple structure to obey is great but do not use up a fresh weeks mind with lots of mundane activity and expect incredible results. This is your best time and place in the week to be creative. 

Monday Mornings are about creation and focusing accomplishment of your desires on Monday afternoons, Tuesdays and Wednesdays every week. Thursday is critical to start making the switch by cleaning up all the stuff you created and knowing that the last day of the week is approaching so you have either planned well or you will carry the angst of things left undone into the weekend. Take the morning and start cleaning up quickly and by the end of the afternoon start moving any major items you think will not be wrapped by Friday Midday to next weeks list while still staying focused to finish this weeks Dynamic list that you believe you can accomplish. Friday is clean up and wrap down so that you feel the level of accomplishment by looking back not just at the things you always have to get done (Static) but also by seeing the ones you were able to tackle which put you closer in life to your real values (Dynamic) . Everyones life has the opportunity for you to take the large items you wanted to get done this week (Static or Dynamic) and stack them in just this way. The results of change, growth and happiness will amaze you. 

I have had many discussions over years of coaching with people who truly think they are trapped by a determined schedule. What they end up doing each week is getting stuck in a routine and not really feeling like they are making headway. Each week has certain expectations for all of us but really accomplishing great things which will serve your values is up to you. That means this week can stop and go for turns, school zones, stop lights etc or we can learn to create space where we can cruise on the open highway. The difference is in our choosing to make this week count because I DECIDED what I wanted to get done, WHY I Decided it and  for WHOM I decided it.  This is my life and I will go really far on this tank of gas, I hope you do also! 

Safe travels. Brian

How far are you in the Closet?

Why are people so afraid of themselves that their decisions seem to often be in pushing others away so they can stay “safe” in who they think they are.

The dharma (work) of relationships with other human beings is so enlightening that it often scares the shit out of us. Closet inside of closet, inside of closet which seems almost never ending. 

We started out in our lives so free as children but the expectations and feelings of what our "image” should be was shaped by our environment and those in it. I am sure if you look around at others and in the mirror as well, you can find many examples of the way people choose to respond to the expectations of others. The small baby who was born into the family trying to achieve perfection and the child eventually decides thats just they way it is, so they spend their life haunted by expectation. The same small child in the same environment who felt they would never measure up so they gave up at a young age or at some point and lived whatever way the wanted “to hell with it all”. 

There are people who grew up with racism, sexism, hatred, greed, poverty, politics, religious beliefs and so many things which translated to expectations. Those items sound bad but what about the children who grew up with perfect grades, perfect family, the mentality of "dont screw up people are watching us" these can be just as damaging as well.  As we grow there are so many things we adopt into our fabric of belief and many we also reject. Some of our choices to accept beliefs are stronger feelings while others just linger in the back of our minds as “thats just the way things are”.

The job of every human being in life is to be set free, free from expectations of self and others, our lives are just the playgrounds for us to act as children and work out the way we want to be. This does not disregard caring for and loving others so they can count on us but it is about not being dependent or codependent on those same relationships. At the end of life what do you want its entirety to represent in your search for growth? 

Do you want to be hung up on the haves and have nots?

Is it about race, sex or individual identity on your last day?

Will you be really proud that you got all straight A’s in college, or made some incredible deals that helped you be successful?

Does it really matter if someone lived their life on a beach or in a mansion on the last day?

I always loved the bible verse which quoted “it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of the needle than a rich man to get into heaven.” The “eye of the needle” was a gateway into inner Jerusalem so a camel could not fit under the gate very well. The difficulty of hanging onto the attachments we create for ourselves is that they prevent us from becoming free in life and harder to get through the gate of freedom in our lives. The sooner we all learn to let go of all expectations we are able to start really playing this game called life. Understanding its purpose is about refining myself and my energy to care for others. 

Relinquishing selfishness and hatred begins with self acceptance. In order to find self acceptance we have to start removing images of who we are supposed to be in this life. This does not go against goals in life but actually defines the importance of life is setting goals who create you into being who you desire to be, not what the world around desires for you. Brene Brown did a TED talk on Vulnerability and it is at the heart of this matter. How do we learn to open up and become vulnerable? Vulnerability lets me be who I am, not who I am supposed to be and that is what the purpose of this life is about. Discovering me and discovering the peace I find within me being real.

According to a course in miracles there are only two emotions; Love and Fear, ask yourself if your next interaction with another being was based upon love or fear? Fear is protecting yourself and often hurting others in the process. Love is able to be given when you are comfortable enough with who you are that you don’t have to win or be right or be perfect. The interactions we are having are the pieces which are making up our entire approach to life. Are we comfortable enough to be in love or fearful enough that we are still chasing images. It’s our choice.

When you are at work do you have to win each battle to fit your image of "driven goal setter”? 

Do you have to give up each battle to fit your image of being the “easy going one"?

When you are at home do you have to be in charge and call the shots or do you have to just be a part of the family and make sure we decide together?

When you are pushing someone away is it for their best interest or for your own because you are scared?

It does not really matter who you are choosing to be nor is there a right way and a wrong way. All that really matters is you asking yourself WHY you have to be the way you are? What has determined your path? Think of all the people in life who have influenced you.. Family Friends, teachers coaches, pastors, significant others, children ….. 

Are you who you are because you are examining yourself and making your choices or are you who you are because it is what you think others want you to be?

In many eastern religions there is a belief system that essentially you will spend all you do in this life refining your spirit. You will work where you work, love who you love and do what you do in order to create the opportunity for yourself to grow. The work you do on that spirit will refine you and you will start again with your progress in the next life. Without daring to make an assumption on if that is true or not for many lives to come, I will say with certainty that I believe it is true for this life. 

I have all of these relationships and opportunities to work and live with so many other people. All of that interaction and accomplishment is really about one thing, ME learning to know myself better. 

Some of my relationships and choices have caused me to do that a much deeper level than others. Some relationships and choices make me want to hide more because of FEAR of being accepted under the image I thought I was supposed to be. 

I could spend this entire life in FEAR or I could start understanding that life is just a game and the only persons opinion that really matters is mine. Don’t be afraid just go be whoever you are and let others do the same thing. Life will be more fun and you will be happier in the process.

Vulnerability Talk by Brene Brown Click Here

Why am I so screwed up?

I know it seems like a pretty negative headline to start with but in reality I think life is about turning all perceived negatives into positives, so here goes my shot at this one!

You have probably heard and used phrases like “I hate doing this or I hate doing those things” or “ I can’t stand my boss, job, wife, life etc…” 

I have been pondering the challenges we face and what makes them so difficult to overcome. I know that all obstacles only exist within me and my perceptions. I could say it is the person I am in a relationship with that challenges me. I know that in the end it is only my willingness to face or not face the things within me that cause me to feel challenged by that person which allow a better outlook on life and others. 

Have you ever had a friend or known someone who is so stuck in seeing a situation from the darkest side that it frustrates you being connected to them? I have actually laughed out loud while watching someone I knew really well work at finding a negative comment in every statement that was made for over 5 hours straight! Literally no comment could pass from anyone on this particular day without him finding a frustration within it or a negative to attach to it. 

When you see that in someone or experience it in yourself it reminds me of a book called “Wherever you go there you are”. The search for finding out how to be free in life and seeing it with a positive mindset is all about the choices I make and the actions I take. When I can’t find the peace I want in a place, a situation or a person it is simply because I am trapping myself. This is the real essence of my thoughts today because as I have made substantial changes in my life, work and personal values over the past year it has caused me to really examine what type of relationships and opportunities I want to create going forward. The depth of relationships I want to have and the people I choose to commit to in them, I desire to be deeper than ever before. I know you can’t be at a completely deep level with everyone in your life or you would drop from exhaustion but  the “yoga” or “working on self” you can do within relationships or within key relationships is the most difficult of all to attempt and yet the most rewarding if you can master it. 

Unfortunately there a very few masters out there and I think even less individuals actually aware you can accomplish this depth. They are looking for a “feeling” or a “high” and if it feels good it is good and if not then it must not be. I think this is what leads us into dissatisfaction, lack of commitment and truthfully the highest dissatisfaction numbers ever recorded. Peoples frustrations with marriage, job, politics, society at large are often cited and as a whole we could sound like a really screwed up existence to someone who actually gets it. (ill let you examine your culture on that one)

I love studying the idea of cultures and traditions and knowing where they all come from to create what we have today. These traditions, religions and teachings often dictate our “perceived" choices. I know that was a mouthful but imagine that the culture we are born into has its own collective belief system. We grow up just thinking “thats how it is and thats how I should believe also.” If we start to really look around we will possibly notice things we may or may not agree with that exist within our culture and belief system we were born into. This creates a whole new set of personal issues and decisions to make! 

Do I speak up? Do I look weird? Will I fit in? This drives me crazy others can’t see what I see? The frustrations we feel are directly tied to our ability to be free or be bound by the perceived restrictions we have in our life.

The definition of Love?… “I love doing this”…. “I love hanging out with you”…. “I love being free to choose what I want” I think all of those statements could sound attractive to each of us but what does love actually mean? I think Love needs clarification if we want to lose the frustrations we often have and express in order to love what goes on each and every day.

When I went to look up the definition of Love in Merriam Websters was based around an emotional feeling or expression as shown below but I think it is way bigger than this excerpt..… 

Simple Definition of love according to Websters;

• : a feeling of strong or constant affection for a person

• : attraction that includes sexual desire : the strong affection felt by people who have a romantic        relationship

• : a person you love in a romantic way

Their definition was written only on a relationship but in all areas of life this “emotional” approach still challenges me. Underneath this auspice I could be standing around hoping to have the right star align to bless me with the enjoyment of what I want in life. I think we all have the ability to fall in love with whatever or whomever we choose. I hope the stars do not just keep moving around and we are falling in and out of love with everything and everyone in our lives? It is our choice and that is what made me try to think of the components of how I would define the concept of Love so here it goes:

Love is making a Choice

Once I determine what I do or don’t want to love then I am taking back control of all circumstance in my life. If I am in a space where I do not want to be then change it but if I am in a space where I feel trapped I have to know it is only because I did not make a choice which is the first step to Love and loving whats in my life. If I want to choose to love something or someone then stop saying it and start doing it! which leads me to point number two…

Love is based on Actions

If I have actually made a conscious choice for myself to choose love or loving something, some opportunity or someone in my life then I must take action to solidify what I want to create. The power of a human being to completely reshape their life and surroundings by making up their minds is an amazing thing. Look at the evolutions of mankind and all that has been created by sheer will. Tough times? Difficult Circumstances? Overwhelming negative odds? All have been true and yet we are all unstoppable when we decide what we want and take action to create it. But Choices without an absolute “I am all in” attitude will usually leave you a long way from loving where you are or who you are sharing it with.

Love is a Feeling

Now we come full circle to Webster’s definition and although their definition was only based on relationships I think the feeling applies to everything in our lives. It is about my Job, my friends, my likes and dislikes and my closet deepest relationships. I want the feeling of exhilaration from loving whats in my life but I “love” knowing it is completely up to me. If I make a decision to be free from the obligations around me and choose what I think it is best for my life, then I must go full blast and take action and then I know the feelings come with it a an incredible result.

I want to keep working out and eating right to stay in shape but their is some work in doing these things and some sweat and some frustrations at times but I made a choice, I did not waiver or go back and forth and as I see the results I feel great! It applies in all areas of our lives it is just up to us to start using it and the frustrations will go away. 

If you have now read my thoughts today thank you for taking the time and I love being able to think out loud and hopefully help others to do the same.

Enjoy The Search, 

Brian